Fonzie's Revenge
A reimagining of Happy Days
Written by Kenneth Keller
[fonziesrevenge@gmail.com](mailto:fonziesrevenge@gmail.com)
Remember the classic TV Show “Happy Days?” You know, it starred that Howdy Doody looking Motherf*cker that played Opie Taylor on the Andy Griffin Show? It also had the original MILF Marion Ross and that Dreidel playing guy who starred in the Movie Nightshift, which coincidentally was created by said Opie. Yeah, they made that Richie kid and his stupid family out to be such good salt of the Earth, kindhearted people. Everyone loved Richie and his younger sister Joni’s exploits in the cultural mecca known as Milwaukee. Shit, that Ginger and his whore of a sister were part of probably the most well-liked TV family besides the Brady Bunch that this country has ever seen. Trouble is, at least The Brady Bunch was fictitious and just set up a false image of life in the 70’s and starred a closeted homosexual. Happy Days? What could possibly be wrong with doing the same but making it set in the 50’s? You know a good question on Trivia night? It is actually a frequently asked question in those circles. “Whatever happened to Richie’s older brother Chuck?” Well, my name is Arthur Fonzarelli and I am the real life Fonzie. If you want a bullshit free version of those Goddamn Cunninghams and aren’t some woke Pansy, I will tell you not only what happened to big brother Chuck but more importantly how their entire family ruined my life forever.
My days growing up were anything but happy, let me tell you that. In fairness, life sucked a** way before Mr. C moved his family into the neighborhood. One could say that ever since my deadbeat dad moved out to California my life has been anything but hunky dory. Yeah, as my beloved Grandma Nussbaum liked to constantly remind me, my dad Vito knocked up some chick that worked at Shotz, the town brewery, and left my mom high and fucking dry when I was 3 years old. My Grandma Nussbaum, God bless her soul, was like a mother to me. My own mom was busy working two full time jobs to support us so Grandma did the best that she could do. In between sucking down Lucky Strikes faster than a Hoover Vacuum sucked up the ashes that overflowed from her Ashtray, she tried, she really tried and that is really all that you can ask for from anyone in life. If only Chuck had TRIED on the fateful night.
Grandma Nussbaum liked to keep things lowkey for me. Sure, she busted my balls by hounding me all the time about Vito or as she liked to call him “My Biological ooze” but she knew that when I got home from school that our home, small as it may have been, was my sanctuary. It did not take a rocket scientist to fake a Moon landing to realize that I was the runt of the liter. Perhaps it was the occasional Busted lip or Black eye or maybe it was the tears that made my eyes swell the size of Pussnboots but Grandma always comforted me by welcoming me home from school with a stale Twinkie that we got from the local Thrift store.
First time posting. I wrote this in the voice and mannerisms of Danny Mcbride as I think this would be a great role for the master of Dark Comedy. If you would like to read more, please let me know.
by OtherFootball8173