I experienced a lot of abuse growing up from siblings and people at school.
Went away to college 10 years ago at age 18 and met great people. I was genuinely safe and happy for the first time. I made lots of great friends, had countless great opportunities for career and relationships.
Unfortunately, due to crippling self-esteem issues and CPTSD I ruined everything.
I moved back home and the abuse got worse.
Now I wallow in heartache, regret, shame, guilt, maladaptively daydreaming about what could've been.
I feel no drive to get out of this hellhole. It feels pointless to try because I'll just end up back here again.
I would like some recommendations about books that apply to my situation, preferably fiction. But non-fiction is good too.
Sorry for the trauma dump. Thank you.
by TechnomancerTab
2 Comments
Do you want books about CPTSD and how to try again to get yourself out of the hole? I think part of the conundrum of it is deciding that never trying is better than repeatedly trying, even though the latter is the only one that will give you any chance of living a better life. Pete Walker’s *Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving* is an eye-opener.
It saddens me to hear what you’ve been through and are going through.
I don’t have a book title to suggest, but do some research into the psychological phenomenon known as “learned helplessness”. I recommend you get counseling/therapy, and, from your story, you managed to leave once, that tells me you can do it again.
I wish you well.