I’m someone who’s read a lot of different books and consumed many forms of media concerning dark topics, depressing things and all that without batting an eye. Yet for some reason, this book – which is praised for its calmness and prose – absolutely destroyed me.
I have no idea why, but this book made me feel so horrible when and after I was reading it. I had this sharp and piercing pain inside my chest, and It’s been months since I put the book down and gave it away because it feels painful even having it in my house. Every sentence seemed so packed with grief and resignation. She seems like such a lonely person, and why is that every ‘fulfilling’ relationship she had (Daedalus, Aeetes, Ariadne, Odysseus) turned out to be either short lived or a betrayal of sorts? Why were the most transactional and surface level relationships the most long lived?
Reading the book it felt like she was a carbon copy of me, yet the ending felt so resigned. She’s supposed to be ‘content’, yet her life was so…idk. The ending didn’t fulfill me. It felt like she did All that just to die at the end?
Afterwards I went into a depressive episode for a few months. Maybe reading this book rekindled the loneliness and pain I carry, and made me realize how little I had in real life when it came to others. Almost every relationship I’ve had has felt like a gamble, platonic and familial. It was the worst my mental health has ever been.
Anyways. That’s how a random ass book wrecked me mentally. I genuinely don’t even know why, I’m just in a ton of pain right now and need answers. I didn’t like this book, but it’s the most beautifully written I’ve ever experienced. I went into this thinking I’d revive my old love for reading, and came out wishing I’d never picked it up in the first place.
It’s been five months and I still feel like shit. Help.
by Abbysal-Abbadon