21-year-old dude here living in a third-world shithole, so therapy is not an option. Used to be all driven/motivated about getting out of this urban nightmare of a country, grinding on my studies even though success felt like a long shot with its uncertainty. I adapted a “why not? Might as well just try.” attitude back then. But a couple of years back, reality smacked me… escaping this hell is now impossible (I can elaborate if you wanna know). Now, I’m half-assing my way through my bachelor’s from a shit university, somehow pulling off decent grades by cramming. I adapted hedonistic lifestyle of consuming stuff like music, movies, games and books all day to escape this harsh reality i.e. escapism. I get it, this lifestyle ain’t gonna fly without some cash, but I’m struggling to see the downside(although I see it but I can’t convince myself with this attitude).
I get anxiety hitting quite often, but I negotiate myself with statements like I am gonna die anyways, might as well just do what entertains me. Deep down, I know it’s stupid, lazy and I am behaving like a leech , but breaking free from this mental trap is very tough, I just end up overthinking about “I am gonna die so why struggle”. Fear of screwing up again, dodging the tough stuff, low self-esteem, incompetency is stopping me from making rational moves. How the hell do I drop this “why bother” mindset? Can’t negotiate with myself on this one(I am overthinking this for years). How do I ditch this pleasure-seeking loop and face the hard things? Switch up my outlook on learning, even when it’s a damn struggle to understand it intuitively? AND most importantly, how do I find contentment in my life and go all in trying, even if failure is the outcome?
I am blabbering here because I think a decent book might be of help, it’s the only thing I can get right now anyways. Are there any non-fiction books(NO biographies) or anything that can answer these questions and convince me otherwise? I am done overthinking about it for years, even though I know I am still gonna do it again. It’s exhausting.
Sorry for bad English or any grammar mistakes.
by thatiskute