I just finished reading this book and I have to say that I’m struggling to make sense of the ending and after reading through many threads and reviews, this seems to be a shared sentiment amongst readers.
I think that this book is a highly thought provoking and insightful narrative into the effects of childhood trauma. Witnessing the abuse that Natsuki endures through her lense in the first person makes it all the more disturbing. While the accounts of her sexual abuse certainly elicited a strong emotional response from me, the most nauseating scenes were when she and Yuu were caught having sex, and the aftermath of it, along with the scene when Natsuki’s mother is beating her with the slipper. Her inner dialogue in this scene makes it particularly harrowing for me, specifically when she is apologizing for existing, perhaps because it brought me back to my own childhood trauma and mirrored my own dialogue at the time. At the end of the day, I see this story as a powerful and disturbing account of childhood abuse. Murata does not even attempt to hold back, something I can throughly appreciate. While child abuse is, obviously, a horrific occurrence, the stark descriptions of these events that happen to Natsuki bring the reader to a more profound understanding of what it looks- and feels like- for the victim. In a way, I felt seen by this book.
However, the ending is where the book truly takes a turn for me and is where I struggle. I believe there is a very important message that is being told through the very gruesome nature of it. The problem is, I’m not sure what that message is. Throughout this book, the readers are forced to look at societal preconceptions and the ending is perhaps a stark and gruesome physical manifestation of this idea. However, I struggle to understand what is reality and what is just Natsuki’s delusions which is, I think, Murata’s intention. My own interpretation of the ending is that the three of them died and thus finally escaped “The Factory” on their own terms. My issues lie with how sudden and stark it was which, again, was probably Murata’s intention although I can’t say that I can fully appreciate this choice.
All in all, I can’t say I regret this read. It made me think about my own preconceptions of societal norms and brought light to the realities of childhood PTSD. What happens when one is unable to make sense, or come to terms with, their past? What happens when one doesn’t “belong” to the point of feeling like an alien and to what extent is a human willing to go to find their purpose in life in an otherwise cruel world? And finally, what does it mean to be human? These are all questions that I believe the book does a fantastic job at answering. I certainly see this book as an experimental piece and would not recommend it to anyone I know. While I don’t appreciate the ending, I’m sure a re read is definitely called for and perhaps I’ll understand this book when I read Murata’s other work. For now, I think I need a break, but I look forward to visiting this book again sometime in the future.
by Honeybee46530