TW: R\*pe, SA, Self harm, Child Abuse etc..
I went into this book simply expecting it to have a lot of gore, as that was all I had heard from a friend. But I can say now that I was surprised (somewhat pleasantly??). For context, I don’t do well with gore, and any form of sexual abuse and whatnot. I think this is mostly because I have a very imaginative mind, especially when I read I picture everything happening. So, you can see how that would be a problem when reading books with heavier topics. This book was indeed a very difficult read for me, if I had to give you a range, I’d say it was more difficult than *tender is the flesh* and less difficult than *a little life*. I know that’s a huge margin, but I couldn’t find anything else to compare it to. I think a part of why it was also a bit mentally heavy for me was because of the religious guilt on display. Recently, I’ve become more aware of the fact that I do carry quite a bit of religious guilt myself (religious upbringing and education throughout the first 19 years of my childhood). This made me feel kind of shitty for relating to some of the things that the characters were feeling. Almost every character in this book is a shitty person and I didn’t want to be relating to them at all, but I’ll get to that later. That being said, I think the writing was absolutely brilliant, and meaningful.
Lapvona begins by narrating Marek and Jude’s lives, and I couldn’t help but find myself sympathizing with Marek, and hating Jude at the beginning. I guess what appealed to me about Marek was the fact that I could blame Jude for all that was wrong with him. Their view on religion felt like a hyper-saturated version of all religious belief systems: their obsession with pain, suffering, modesty, poverty, and all things shitty about our world in hopes of being repaid in death. Rings a bell, doesn’t it? Of course the themes of capitalism, power, and corruption did not go over my head either. I found myself comparing the priest and Villiam’s deal quite similar to Europe in the middle ages, and current day Iraq even (where I live). It’s very sad, but it is what it is.
I will go character by character and try to dissect my thoughts a little bit though.
**Marek**
Later in the story, my thoughts of Marek kept changing. I felt bad for him because it really wasn’t his fault that he was brought up to be a shitty person, but he *was* a shitty person. He was being abused by Jude all throughout his childhood, he was denied a mother, and Ina–the one person she went to for comfort–was actually downright molesting him. Then his mother hated him, which I don’t blame her for, but he wasn’t to blame either. Marek was the target of blame and hatred for almost everyone in this book, and although he wasn’t completely blameless. I did find myself feeling bad for him. Marek never knew love from anyone. It was the one thing he craved, and he never got it. His fixation on needing to be loved almost made him immune to all other feelings. He never actually felt guilty for killing Jacob even. I loved how this character was written, it did invoke a great deal of thought, but I don’t think I have completely understood his purpose yet, I’ll need some more time to think about it.
**Jude**
Jude was the worst. I never felt a second of empathy for him. He raped Agata when she was just a child, and yet judged her for trying to leave him? His hatred for Marek was completely unjustified and so was his abuse. I don’t really have much to say about him except that he seemed like a good representation of a large amount of people who seem to fixate on modesty and rejection of beauty, when this is only an attempt at fighting their own urges and their own lust. His repression of his sexuality and his self harm were all attempts to fill a void within him. Even his obsession with sheep felt like a compensation for his lack of children. I think he knew Marek wasn’t his and that’s why he hated him. Or maybe he hated him because he looked like his mother. I don’t know.
**Jacob**
I couldn’t feel bad for Jacob when he died, but I felt bad for Luka, Dibra, and Lispeth. Lispeth’s inner dialogue was quite concerning too, and I didn’t like her either, but those few pages that described her grief and relationship with Jacob absolutely tore me apart. She didn’t know better, and I can only be glad that she died painlessly.
**Ina**
Ina’s character at first felt wholesome. But then as soon as that shit with Marek was revealed, it was over for me. I briefly found her story with Gregor to be strangely sensical. But I just couldn’t find it in me to like her at all. And to me, her character was clinging on to life for seemingly no reason. I can not imagine why anyone would want to live so much. She was strange, and I do not think I have figured out her character either.
**Villiam**
I almost felt bad for Villiam. But he was a tyrant, so I didn’t *really* feel bad for him. He was just so stupid. I don’t really have much thought on his character either, but I would love to hear what other people think.
Overall, I don’t think I have thought about this book enough right now. I think there was probably a lot that I missed. But I loved it. Despite the horrible shit in here, I think it was a very well written and thought invoking story. Since none of my friends have read this, I am curious to hear what others who have read it think of it, and I can’t go anywhere else to discuss.
by Piazytiabet