“If We Were Villains” by M.L. Rio is the worst book I’ve read all year.

I have a lot of Not-nice things to say about this book, But I’d like to begin with the good.

While reading this, it occurred to me that I should read Shakespeare. We studied his works in school, but it always felt like we didn’t give it enough time or thought because Shakespeare’s work is a bit more complex. Thus, I have decided to read more Shakespeare–with a reading guide ofc–and that’s all due to this book. As an homage, it is a nice idea: a group of twenty-somethings playing Shakespeare, until they become part of his dramas. I love the idea, it’s the execution that I have a problem with. Drawing parallels between Shakespeare and the story is a great idea, it’s just that the author doesn’t seem to be good at doing it. It almost felt forced at times, it felt like the author kept shoving in your face like “do you get it??! do you get that Richard is Caesar?? and they all stab him in the back?? like Caesar?? do you get it??”.

Anyways, the plot itself, the idea is nice. These six kids see their seventh member drowning and they all decide simultaneously that they aren’t gonna do anything, and then the rest of the story following their guilt eating them up and the mystery of his drowning slowly unraveling. It sounds amazing, and I really like the idea, but again, I really hate.

**now here’s why the plot was shit (in terms of execution):**

1. Richard’s behavior before his death was completely irrational and unfounded. No reason was ever provided for his “breaking bad”. Apparently, everything was completely fine before that, he just suddenly started being a dick?? and everyone just took that at face value. It just isn’t realistic, no one just starts acting like that all of a sudden.
2. Richard did not do enough to warrant dying. All 6 of his class mates agreeing that he should be left to drown is not only unrealistic, it is *grossly unrealistic.* Meredith had been literally dating him up to a couple of days prior. his literal cousin who had known him all his life was there. Suddenly they all decided “you know what, Richard has been a dick for the past few months, I think he should DIE”. Richard should have been written to do something way more awful than that. Something bigger should have been at stake for that.
3. Why didn’t anyone press charges against Richard is beyond me. Instead of conspiring to let him die, they could have conspired–way earlier–to send him to the authorities. He was abusing James, Meredith, Wren, and Oliver. Again, if Richard had been written to be more horrible, or if there was something else at stake that kept them from going, then it would have made actual sense.

**Also all of the characters were shit (In terms of writing)**

first of all, the female characters had no role. Meredith’s whole character was she was sexy, everyone was fucking her, and everyone called her a whore and she never defended herself and no one thought anything was wrong with the way she was being treated by everyone. There is not a single time within this book where Meredith appears and she isn’t *immediately* objectified. I know it’s supposed to reflect Oliver’s feelings for her, but to be quite honest, it doesn’t read like Oliver has feelings for her, it just seems to me like he wants to fuck her. At some point, it’s just creepy as fuck, because she doesn’t even have a single personality trait other than “Meredith the Sexy Whore”. Meredith’s personality was so lacking that I found myself making it up for her. Come the fuck on…

The rest of the women: Filippa and Wren were no better. Filippa was simply a very useful plot device used to fill out a whole whenever there was one. No need to give her any background history or character or personality because she’s just “quiet and closed off and doesn’t want to talk about it”. It’s lazy. I felt the exact same about Filippa as a character from the moment she was introduced to the moment she dropped Oliver off: Nothing, I felt nothing about her. Wren on the other hand was “the cousin” until she was “the dead guy’s cousin”, and then she was “the dead guy’s cousin who has PTSD”. No role other than crying, no character, no personality. No fucking nothing.

Richard’s character had no effort put into it either, we was simply the bad guy. Why care about him when he dies halfway through? It’s actually pathetic. Alexander’s only development is that he gets forced to get clean. he’s the “druggie-gay-guy”, until he is the “sober gay guy”. He serves absolutely no purpose.

Finally, The overall writing style was pretentious at best. It really felt like the author reverse engineered certain scenes, and forcefully incorporated them into the story. The writing did not seem purposeful at all, just a checklist. The dialogues were either stiff, unrealistic, or just nonsensical. The dialogue was actually the worst part, because I would imagine them in dialogue and it would be so hard to imagine (not the Shakespearean shit, I mean EVERYTHING). The whole story was predictable. I knew Oliver wanted to fuck Meredith, and was in love with James the first time he mentioned their fucking names. I knew Richard was the one who’d get murdered was in the beginning and I knew James had done it since the toilet scene. I knew James is dead in the future since ACT 2, and I was sure it was suicide since the beginning of ACT V, which is also when I figured out that Oliver is gonna cover for him. Keep in mind, I am usually quite shit at predicting these things.

I feel bad going off on this like I did, but it genuinely pissed me off so much. I don’t understand how anyone who’s read both can ever compare this to *The Secret History*. I feel like I could rant all day about how much I dislike this book, but I’ll end it here.

by Piazytiabet