I used to be an anxious kind of a person for basically my whole life. At one point I started reading a lot of philosophy (absurdism, stoicism nihilism, existentialism, … etc) and I somehow managed to easily control all of my emotional responses, even shutting them down most of the times. For example, important tests? No emotion. And I acutally did excellent in all of them. Even more, I worked on something non-stop for 2.5 years and it eventually failed. I got sad for 3 hours and that’s it. Someone trying to annoy me? I never noicted they were there in the first place, and never will. I still enjoyed music, food, adventure, learning to the fullest. I wasn’t confined. I was free with a clear mind.
One day I met someone I liked and we started getting closer. I started feeling some love along with some anxiety and attachment. I managed to stay in control, but my primitive brain was hella strong. I eventually broke up with them. I don’t wanna explain why, but it was a clean one, and I moved on really quick.
However, after that experience, my mindset feels injuried. It’s not as bad as it was before, but totally worse than it was before that relationship thing. I just wanna go back to that golden phase but the thing is, I don’t fully understand how I got there in the first place. My current plan is to read something specific about my case and maybe it will help.
Hope you guys can help, thank you very much for reading.
by allergictoexistence