If it’s going to bother you that I’m going to express a semi-ironic but also deeply earnest fondness for the Spoorkle Vempir book, trigger warning I guess. Everyone knows it’s self-indulgent trash, ‘ight? We’ve had like, 15 years of that. Everyone knows Mormons exist. Everyone knows everything teenage girls and stay at home mothers like is the fifth horseman of the apocalypse. We can move past that.
*I’m an ftm transgender man, I came out as a (at the time) lesbian when I was 16, and started transitioning just two years ago. I read the books when I was around eleven or twelve, living in a very oppressive environment both in the local culture and at home.*
Little kid me was hard-core *obsessed* with these books. Something adult me has been left thinking very introspectively about since . . . I kind of strongly dislike romance. I think I’ve finally figured out why.
I must now jumpscare you with the revelation I was a bit of a loser loner growing up— I know, what a surprise, hope you had your smelling salts at hand. So cards on the table, I literally completely and utterly missed the extremely obvious subtext that there was supposed to be a love triangle *at all* in the series until the movies started coming out and I got the chance to talk to other Twilight fans. Read all four books, literally never occurred to me once Jacob was anything other than another obstacle for Edward and Bella. That’s because, as an adult, I can see now that I was reading something entirely different out of subtext of these books. That these novels are designed as indulgent fantasy scenarios where anyone can project themselves into them is lobbed at them like an insult, like that’s an inherently bad thing, but screw that unironically these novels were the first and closest things I had as a child to there being even a fraction of a chance I could be happy and okay one day as a queer person.
I realize this was entirely likely not at all Meyer’s intention for these books to be read this way, but that doesn’t really matter.
“Bella I’m a horrible terrible disgusting creature of the night, I’ll make you a social pariah if you love me, I’m a forever alone.”
“No Edward you’re beautiful I love you and I love all of you and will be absurdly devoted to loving you even if it makes me a creature of the night to do so.”
It me. I’m Edward. Or rather, I related to Edward feeling like by loving someone he was going to destroy them even though my man did just love Bella, for very just genuine reasons in the text of the novels. I was a few years away from discovering Ann Rice, alright? I was a child who had from a very young age been smacked over the head repeatedly that the type of affection that was natural to me was vile and disgusting and less i express it I’m putting both myself and the girl I have a crush on in danger. One of the shitty parts of growing up queer is that long before you’re actually willing to admit it to yourself, other children notice. Even without the words to verbalize it, when I was seven years old there was a girl in my class that, all I knew was that she was the coolest, prettiest, most perfect person I had ever known and all I wanted was to very innocently be around her all the time and have her tell me what a good “friend” I was and maybe even possibly get to hold her hand if it wasn’t too much to ask. I got bullied literally for fucking years over just that. Out of a kindness in her beyond her years she never did anything to me to explicitly estrange herself from me, despite her other friends giving her shit for it. I never got to be close to her, and I don’t blame her for that.
That Bella is so fucking absurdly willing to make her relationship with Edward work despite his vampireness making everything extremely complicated was earth shattering. That she thinks his vampirism is actually pretty cool despite what society says was literally life changing. You can say whatever about the relationship being toxic blah blah blah, yes reading the books now as an adult there’s tons of elements that bother me too, but again, it’s okay to give the material some slack for that reason alone.
I think sometimes when people insist certain pieces of media give little girls “bad messages,” they’re willfully or unconsciously not actually considering how that age and demographic interpretes a text. Like, “Disney princess falls for first male she sees, Ariel give up voice for man, Belle stockholmed, Snow white kissed by man she don’t know.” *Are valid things to point out and consider* but often are given way, WAY too much weight compared to how a child is viewing that piece of media. Tween girls don’t have the life experience or political framework to draw that from the text by themselves, it takes additional pieces of indoctrination that are more explicit for them to actually internalize that. Pare-bonding, fated mates, soul mates, twin flames, overly possessive relationships with poor boundaries or proper foundational work or any other kind of romantic attraction without any ambiguity is something I find deeply disturbing to be confronted with in media now. I’m now old enough to know just how much that cultural mindset set me up to get deeply hurt by the time I was an adult. Disney movies, teen romance, Twilight and the whole genre of supernatural fiction it spawned didn’t teach me that though. Society did. My parents did. At worst none of those pieces of media challenged that concept, and at best, that media met me where I was at.
The thing about Twilight that genuinely is subversive though is that it categorically, vehemently insists every “drawback” of engaging romantically with vampires is stupid and wrong. Twilight says Vampire rights, love is love. Vampirism is a valid choice that doesn’t actually exclude you living a normal happy life, even though they’ve been forced to act in certain problematic ways ways as a group marginalized by society. A group of vampire facists have literally taken advantage of this to their own benifit to victimize their own kind for personal gain *cough* republicanswhogetcaughtwithgayescorts *cough*. They literally *sparkle in the sun* and human propaganda has turned that into them *burning because they are against God and nature oh why does that sound oddly farmiliar.* Again, I realize Twilight likely wasn’t intended to be any kind of queer allegory, but vampires kind of accidentally end up almost seeming like one even if that wasn’t the intent because of the cultural mythos built around them. In that context, there are elements to Twilight that are more progressive than Ann Rice’s vampires as queer allegories.
One last based take: *Team Rosalie. Do not come for my vengeance queen. We stan. Best girl.*
by ThisDudeisNotWell
43 Comments
I’m happy for you but calling Twilight subversive in any way, especially after a paragraph pointing out how it’s just perpetuating usual messages we see elsewhere, is way too out there imo. It’s as blatantly *not* subversive as any recent popular media can get. That’s a big part of why it’s popular, in the end, it challenges absolutely nothing and is thus a good escapist fantasy.
Beyond that, the idea of empathizing with “the monster” as queer or otherwise marginalized people is actually pretty common, so it’s not that weird a relationship you have to the book. This has been a thing as far back as Frankenstein or Paradise Lost or even further, really, and it’s something that seems to stay resonant for the people who are Other in society. There were probably people relating to Grendel centuries ago, which is funny to think about.
I love the way you read these books and I love that you shared it here. One of the beautiful things about books is that once it leaves the author’s hands they don’t control what any one person takes from it. This is a fabulous version of that, because what you got from the book is *better* than the book itself.
It isn’t how I read these books (in my my late 20s, half nostalgic for how I would have read them if they had been published when I was 13, and half amaze-horrified by all that was wrong with them) but I think it’s really beautiful that it’s how you did.
Thank you for sharing!
I love your experience with the books!
Vampires (and many movie monsters, but especially Vampires) are incredibly queercoded. I recently saw a handful of videos on the topic over on YouTube, I sadly haven’t bookmarked them, and can’t list them here….
I agree by the way, teenage me also didn’t see the love triangle, but teenage me had a problem with picking up on romance subtext in books anyway.
The Idea of „how can you love somebody who does not think that they are worthy of love“ is one of my favorite… story beats (?) in novels.
Thank you so much for sharing! I love your interpretation! I’m so happy you found something to give you hope and found a positive message in the Twilight books. It’s funny because I feel similarly to you about the novels, in a way. Not that we read them in the same way or took the same message. But I always say I’m the first person to call them trash and also the first person to defend them (for my own reasons/interpretation).
This has been the only thing that has ever made me think positively about these books. Thank you for sharing your experience, and making me reconsider my own prejudices
I still love those books, and also don’t see Disney fairytales in that negative way either. I think those thoughts are mostly people online. They’re making a twilight series now because there is still a huge fanbase, and if they were truly that terrible that wouldn’t be the case
This was beautifully said. 😍
I was severely depressed and in denial about it my senior year of high school. It was right as they were making the first one. I had read the books (I think Breaking Dawn was still TBA) and legitimately checking Meyers daily blog thing about the movie, kept me from spiraling even deeper. Like 99% of my friends graduated and I was so fucking depressed and I only realize that now as an adult how bad it really was. I went through the phase of being like “Twilight is trash” afterwards, but now, I’m a motherfuckin raccoon, gimme all the trash.
I read the first book years after it came out, on a dare… not much of one, I read fast, but people were very heavily on the bandwagon of “this book is the worst crime against good taste ever committed to the page”.
I don’t remember it that well, but I remember my conclusion really well: “people are weird, it’s not that bad, it’s just not very good.” I didn’t massively enjoy it, but I disappointed the guy who thought reading it would be a torment for me.
BUT! David Weber and Jane Linskold coauthor a series of YA books that are similarly not very good, if you look at it, but I still love it ever so much. It’s at its core a young girl in a sci-fi setting in the far future, living on a recently colonised world, encountering a psychic, sapient race of six-limbed “treecats” and forming a psychic life-bond with the first one she encounters. It’s a prequel/spin-off from one of his Weber’s main works about this girl’s descendant, Honor Harrington, a fairly well known space opera series I also love, but which are quite different.
The stakes are small, at least in isolation. It’s… a bit bowdlerized so some of the death and violence that MIGHT have occurred just doesn’t take place, though there’s a fair bit of danger and excitement, and some slice-of-life I really like. But it’s… “objectively” (note and emphasize the quotation marks) not that good.
However, I adore it for a few reasons. Preface, I have autism. I occupy a region of the spectrum where it can be hard to tell when I don’t want to stand out, but it’s very, very exhausting to live my experience a lot of the time. In particular, I have no instinct for how others feel. I can’t read people’s emotions instinctively at all. I’ve often likened it to missing the emotional cue channel on my communication array, because I am a nerd and I read sci-fi. So I use a LOT of my brainpower to interpret and reason out, logically, how I think people feel when I interact with them, which makes interaction INCREDIBLY exhausting, for all it’s enjoyable sometimes.
The protagonist of the books, Stephanie Harrington, is pretty different from me and doesn’t read VERY strongly as someone with autism. But because she shares a bond with this treecat that lets (and makes) them feel the other’s emotions, the book states very plainly her emotional state and how her emotions, and the cat’s emotions, play out. That’s not something I want all the time in books, but it has actually helped me update my mental model a bit and improved it.
Yet even more than that… it’s such a dream, and it awakens a longing in me that’s hard to describe… being able to fully KNOW how someone else is feeling, without offering it a single thought? Just… taking it in, not having to THINK AND THINK AND SECOND-GUESS AND THIRD-GUESS and feel a headache coming on from trying to not say the wrong thing, tiptoeing through, leashing my curiosity in case some question would upset or offend because I won’t KNOW until they get outwardly angry or sad and that’s TOO LATE… it’s very hard to describe how much I WANT that. It’s such a pleasant fantasy.
TL;DR and summation: literature is/can be art, art is supposed to make you feel something, which means that no matter the technical qualities of a work, it can be good art, and you’re fully entitled to liking it, no justification needed. You can even recognise and acknowledge its flaws and love it anyway.
PS: the book series I referenced starts with “A Beautiful Friendship” by David Weber and (I suspect mostly) Jane Linskold, and I think it’s a fine read for any mature young person or any adult, while I won’t pretend it’s likely to be deeply profound for most people the way it is for me… this is mostly in case anyone got curious from my description.
Honestly, I relate. Like, I never read twilight, but watched the movie, and I actually didn’t find it that bad and related to the characters. As a trans person, I for some reason relate with characters who have something “monstrous” about them, but are still kind-hearted at the end and find love and friendship.
I mean, twilight isn’t exactly a good book, reputedly, but I found a similar(/actually much more depressing and without romance) kind of vibe in a book called Declaration of the Rights of Magicians and its sequel, >!which also feature a mostly likable, sometimes morally gray but ultimately good vampire as a main character, plus persecution of some magical people!<.
Also, I write sometimes, and these are the kinds of stories that motivate me the most to write.
Yessss team Rosalie. And everything else you said. It’s a beautiful little essay and I loved twilight for similar reasons. I’m not awake enough for more words yet but this was a great post.
I loved Twilight as a kid, I thought they were fun books and I wanted my own vampire boyfriend. Then I read the official guide and saw that everyone who becomes a vampire becomes white. Their skin literally bleaches to white. I am not white, not even close. That really soured me on Twilight after that, this story that I loved wants me to know there is no room for me in that world. I am not welcome as I am in that world. I enjoyed the story in the past and this doesn’t change that but I can’t really enjoy it going forward.
Hey dude, I’m also just putting together that I’m transmasc and not only do you have me out here reconsidering these books, but you got me wanting to reexamine other books from back in HS too.
I really appreciated the read and the perspective. I, upon first reading the series as a 30-something, took the novel at its word that Edward had the perspective of a teen still, perhaps an older teen, but not inappropriately older than Bella. I can rationalize that now as vampires essentially not maturing due to their unchanging physical nature, but as a cis-het male I probably just didn’t notice it. So, I related to Edward. Hard. I wanted him to protect Bella from risky choices but also wanted her to choose him because (he said) he loved her. People say he was controlling, and he was, and that’s bad. But I didn’t see it at first. So reading your take of how a much younger person might take it in and find it comforting was eye-opening for me. I really appreciate and support that, and I purchased Midnight Sun a while back and might actually give it a read now. I lost the Harry Potter series as a literary touchstone when Rowling outed herself as a transphobe, and my personal ban of that material continues, but I also had the audiobooks for the Twilight series and enjoyed re-listening to the story. So now I will look for elements such as you described when I read of listen, and for that I thank you! Write more stuff! I enjoyed your way with words.
Hey ThisDudeisNotWell,
I appreciate you writing out your heartfelt thoughts and sharing them with us. I think it’s so important to ‘destigmatize’ liking something many people ridicule.
It’s been a while until i realized that so many things, that ‘stereotypically’ female people like, are deeply ridiculed. Especially teen girl’s interests. Boy bands, pink, Live laugh love. I (cis woman) participated in this, because I WAS NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS. i liked REAL vampires who cannot be around in daylight and are monsters! I was edgy. I was cool. I shat on things because I desperately did not want to be treated like ‘the other girls’. I’ve grown a lot and taught my own kid, that yes, there are interests, that are shared by a lot of people of the same gender, but there is no judgement behind that.
One thing I deeply feel when reading your post, is something that came up in a public therapy session with Natalie Wrynn of Contrapoints. I recently saw that podcast like video in which a very competent therapists talks through her thoughts on transitioning. I think, because you mentioned that you are ftm, I remembered that talk, otherwise i might not have noticed. But I am not a therapist so this is armchair analysis here: I notice something the therapist pointed out in Natalie. Natalie is very introspect and observes herself and her past self a lot. The therapist emphasized that this is fine and good. But the next sentence always was some snide remark about herself (“I know, get the bathing salts”) – of course, that’s a coping mechanism – in your case, maybe it’s just a writing style. Your post reads very engaging and well! – The Therapist urged her to observe that and maybe work on it. That this judgement of the self-observation is the thing that hurts us. I took that home for myself, too and am making changes for the better.
If you are interested in the whole, very insightful interview it’s called “Talking with Contrapoints – Gender Identity, Judgement, & YouTube”.
Thank you for sharing this. I find it very interesting, what helps people and how they find their identity. Thank you!
That’s so beautiful, and I’m so happy for you. FWIW, queer folk IDing with monsters and monster fuckers is very common! Everyone’s story is different, yours is very unique, but even so, I just wanted to congratulate you on a another queer milestone!
(Also you’re so right Rosalie is the best.)
Edit: I also don’t think your interpretation of Jacob as more of an obstacle than an alt lover interest is that wrong at all! I swear I remember reading somewhere that Meyers never intended Jacob as a viable option, and almost didn’t make him a love interest at all (I think the first book especially it’s obvious how one-sided she intended that to be). So your interpretation may be close to the truth than the “common’ understanding of the book anyways!
I’m deeply happy these books had what you needed to hear at the time you needed to hear it.
Twilight always struck me as rather anti-LGBT. Not in a bigotry way but if you were trans and became a vampire before you transitioned, you were just fucked forever. Same story with the werewolves, and the way imprinting is portrayed it would likely “cure” any queer werewolf into becoming heterosexual. It’s so bleak.
> That she thinks his vampirism is actually pretty cool despite what society says
I think I would have liked Twilight more if society *had* anything to say about vampires. That is, nobody realizes that vampires exist and that they are completely different. There is no propaganda. The only ‘forbidden’ aspect from from the vampire police that insist that Bella must be turned into a vampire eventually because humans can’t know that vampires exist – which isn’t really a conflict because Bella is super eager to become a vampire.
The closest thing to a conflict it gets is Jacob’s racism against vampires even though it’s thanks to those vampires that he gets to enjoy cool werewolf superpowers. I think for two seconds it tries to pose a dilemma since the peace treaty between the werewolves and the Cullens is that Cullens won’t bite humans so ruh-roh, how will Edward turn Bella into a vampire but oh wait you can just inject her with some vampire spit and she’ll turn easy peasy.
Overall it makes Edward’s angst “I got cool superpowers with no drawbacks and I’m eternally youthful and sexy and me and my family are trillionaires, woe is me” rather (no pun intended) toothless.
Another trans guy who was obsessed with twilight growing up…..we DO exist
I always loved in the last book that there was no epic fight. People always complained about it but to this day I will go back and just read the last half of the last book. Nothing close to how deeply other aspects resonated with you but the fact that the team could come together with a plan and stand up for themselves, be ready to fight if needed but use their gifts to beat the tricks of the bad guys. It’s like how as a kid you were told to stand up to a bully and obviously that would never work. But the logic and thought of stand up and understand that they want to save face. Idk just my favourite thing that it worked and made sense to me. Like be a badass and make them know you will throw down but solve it without the big epic fight, PERFECT to me. My goal in life, be prepared to but don’t need to
Stephenie herself has said that once her books are out in the world, it’s yours. So I think you are free to read and interpret it however you’d like.
Kind of on that same note, one thing I love about the books is it breaks the common trope of “you are fine how you are and in the end will love yourself just as you are”. Nope, Bella always felt awkward in her body and the lesson was she was born to thrive as something else that her heart and soul felt was her true self, and that’s okay!
I too take a lot of symbolism from the books where I’m not sure it was intended. I recently became a mom, and Bella’s inner dialogue about how she felt as a newborn and during transformation really strongly correlate with how I felt. (Though I do think Stephenie was aware and alluded to this symbolism, so maybe it’s not quite the same.)
But I’m so glad you had these books as a refuge and continue to draw comfort from them!
Me, a trans girl, logging out of my main and into this account because I couldn’t not respond. I think I am around the same age as you, and I absolutely loved the Twilight books when I was young. Still do, even though I know they are objectively terrible. Very much did not think of Jacob as anything other than an obstacle as well. Funny you mention Anne Rice, I’m currently reading “The Vampire Armand”. Love Twilight as queer allegory lol thanks for this.
Haha. Same story but transfem? 😂
Honestly I was obsessed with any book featuring a “transformation”. 3rd book of eragon, swan princess, Land of Oz, polyjuice potions etc.
I grew up LDS and I didn’t even *know* trans people were even a *thing* till I was like 12. And that was watching a “workplace harassment video” that depicted the transfem individual as someone morbidly obese and with a voice that sounded like she smoked a pack a day, and also fairly old and disabled. It set the egg-me back *years*.
I still to this day hold a grudge against that video and how much it delayed me thinking that transitioning was something beautiful instead of… that. I mean really!? The first depiction of trans people I see is that they get harassed at work? And I’m not even getting into how smoking for a transfem is sooo out of character!! (Estrogen v. Smoking makes quitting a big priority)
But I was *sooo* trans. The day I was “babtized” at 8 I was like “maybe now God will answer my prayers to turn me into a girl* (spoilers, he didn’t the jerk)
I read twilight and was half entranced by the idea of vampires, but also kind of terrified of being trapped in the same body *forever*. I’d convince myself that if I got turned I’d be one of those vampires that had a power to shape shift. Cause otherwise…
I could go on and on. I don’t know if there was a day I didn’t think about wanting to be a girl. But transitioning was something I didn’t even know was possible for *so* long. I figured transfem people just started wearing dresses and that was it. And the thought of being a “man in a dress” was something I’d rather die than be. It was something I literally had nightmares about.
So I settled on imagining the more magical transformations. And to be honest I’m not sure if that delayed or helped me come to a realization later? There’s something to be said about living in a fantasy instead of reality. Did thinking magic, something that didn’t exist, was the only way for me to transition set me back or did seeing it and wanting till it was hard to breathe help crack the egg 🥚?
I don’t know. But I loved Twilight regardless. I’m happy to see another trans individual enjoying it!
Love this, and I also unironically enjoyed Twilight. I’m not into romance either and am not as articulate as you about it, but there’s just an appeal there- a fantasy, an atmosphere, that I really liked. Not everything has to be beautiful literature; some books aren’t but are still super enjoyable. Thanks for posting this!
As someone who sometimes indulges in literary snobbery, I really appreciate the way this write-up challenges my bias. This was super interesting, and I think it shows how literature can allow for thoughtful, valuable readings even when it is “bad.”
Just imagine if Meyer wrote as well as you do, OP!
This is very, very profound. It totally makes sense.
(I did want to let you know, out of a spirit of friendship and in case you didn’t know, that the word that came out “stalkholmed” is properly “Stockholm-ed,” based on the city Stockholm. Here’s the backstory. And interestingly, the whole premise of the term has been greatly criticized: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome) )
I love the books too, and I might not have realized until you mentioned it, that they had a similar meaning for me. I’m not lgbtqia+ but have other reasons for believing that I’m not acceptable or loveable. Yay for literature that makes people who are struggling feel a little better sometimes 💜
I love your take on these books 🙂
I *absolutely* noticed the love triangle when I read them as a teen, and kept wondering “why not both?” I’m now polyamorous and in two long-term very loving relationships.
This was a great think piece. I would totally read your book reviews. Or perhaps your own book one day. Sometimes shit gets so pretentious – this was refreshing.
Wanna know what makes me sad? Fifteen minutes away from Forks, if you follow north-northeast on the 101, there’s a town called Sappho.
This is the only good post I’ve ever seen on this subreddit, thanks king
I just wanna say as someone who was on board with the twilight hater train for years from the tourist perspective of problematic elements
Thank you for giving a genuine description of your interpretation and what you got from it and why it connects with you rather than a viewing it with a literal lense of it practical elements.
Its very often easy to forget characters are symbols to present and evoke certain feelings and a writer is free to even use problematic elements to further sell that.
I think I gained a lot of respect for fans of the series as this was an eye opener. Glad this came across my recommended feed.
This is actually one of my favorite literary takes of all time
> twilight says Vampire rights
Ya damn right it does. Rock on king.
I will say that as someone who recently watched all the movies with his wife on the pretext she’d watch LOTR with me after… I enjoyed how Meyers made use of all the vampire powers to simultaneously shock us with a huge final battle with many main characters dying, while also none of it ever happening in reality. Really showed us just how powerful Alice is. While Twilight has its many flaws, it did a few things pretty well.
I honestly was obsessed with Twilight just for the damn fem pov. I read like 5 times and it was worth it. Hated the Jacob part though.
I love this post for many reasons. The first being your hardcore defense and immediate shut down of typical Twilight-hater arguments.
Your take is interesting and it’s made me think a bit more critically about *why* I love the Twilight books. I read them when they released when I was in middle school/ junior high and was a big fan. I reread them a few years ago and honestly still enjoy them, despite their flaws. And now thinking more about it, I find that they were just the only truly validating piece of hyper-romantic media I ever consumed growing up.
I am a die hard romantic. Like I experience SO MUCH romantic attraction it’s crazy and I always have. I’ve been obsessed with the idea and concept of true love since I was a toddler. Not because Disney told me to, just cause that’s who I am. And it can be HARD to be an Acespec, hyper-romantic girl growing up in a world where love isn’t real and sex is all that matters. I loved reading the unabashed and intense love and commitment that Bella and Edward shared. I loved that sex wasn’t a part of it. I related to Bella a lot because of how she viewed love and committed herself to it. With no shame and no fucks given.
Still love the books and now I can enjoy them more as romantic comedies lol. Thanks for helping me dive deeper into why I love these books!
Oh wow! I never considered it that way! I’m a trans man, but gay but I really enjoyed the books growing up, I hated the movies with my soul and I was against the casting of Bella and Edward, they felt very… odd choices and there was actually a lot of controversy when they cast Edward if I recall correctly. Anyway.
I did find some comfort in reading about their lives, their desire to just keep going, how difficult it was jn that gray routine and feeling that life is a curse at the same time. Also, the main thing was that love (even fucked up one) kept them going and that’s what kept me for the longest time as well, as I met my partner very early in life. I was deemed weird and I was reading Twilight novels in the breaks at school, just wanting to be anywhere else. I had jumped veryyyy early on, again, like I even remember them announcing a movie.
Thank you for sharing and making me recall my own treasured memories with it:)
I’m with you, I don’t need anyone else to validate my interpretation of a book, if their personal hang ups get in the way of enjoying the book that’s their problem.
Nah, that’s the fun of literature friend mmo! We can find reflections of ourselves and what we want from our future out of the most out there things if the writing speaks to you. This was a super interesting take into your mind and it was a really cool interpretation of it! I’m gonna be honest, as a Cis male growing up when the books came out I read them cause the girls I was seeing at the time read them and thought they were really fun but never went back so I can’t give an actual take on YOUR takeaway but I love it all the same!
As a kid I loved Anamorphs and I felt such a connection with a character named Rachel and her whole character arc of doing the hard things she felt she needed to and the lasting trauma that it can lead too. I’m 32 and when I bring up the anti-war messaging of Animorphs and how they did a great job at showing different reactions to trauma is still some of the best kids writing out there I get laughed at. I know it was always seen as the “Other” scholastic” series but it spoke to me at a very deep level and it’s shit like this and you reading twilight that makes me love books so much
This is what I love about art and novels in particular. The author may have whatever intentions when they put it out, but it doesn’t matter once their work is out there. It takes on a life if it’s own and takes on the meanings and interpretations that the people who read it glean. I’m glad Twilight meant something good to you
I was so happy to read this. I loved the Twilight series growing up and I still do now. I don’t particularly think its *good* but it was so prevalent in my life especially as a teen. It got me excited, it made me happy, it showed me a genre that I didn’t know I loved until I read these books, I was just so obsessed with it.
Ok, yes, I grew up a little emo kid and I guess, I still am. But I feel in some ways these books shaped me, they made me passionate, made me want to create: they made me want to learn how to write. Sure, I might only write for myself now and again but that’s enough for me and I wouldn’t have done that without Twilight, I can say that 100%.
I even read Midnight Sun when it came out and I can easily say that I enjoyed it. Again, maybe the story isn’t great or anything like that but I genuinely think Stephenie’s writing got a lot better and I definitely enjoyed seeing the story through different eyes.
It’ll always be there for me and I’m really happy and comforted to read that it’s always been there for you too.
Genuine congrats for putting out such a vulnerable interpretation. I feel like a lot of people online are scared to be vulnerable when discussing (or even experiencing) stories for fear of being ‘cringe’, but I think it takes a lot of bravery to not only experience a story at a vulnerable level, but to discuss such an experience on a public forum.
Regardless of what other people theoretically think the book would do to tweenage afabs, you know for a fact what it did for you, and don’t let others convince you otherwise. Your experience and their experience can coexist, even if they contradict.
I will avoid the usual recitation of why I dislike the books because that does not matter. It does not matter if I think this was hacky or that is concerning. What matters is you connected with something I didn’t see – that I’d never have considered.
See, I’m more or less MtF as far as the wider world is concerned. For much of my life, Bella is the person I refused to be. That character – that damsel who is such a void of agency that literally anyone can put themselves into the slot – I didn’t want to be that. I’ll not be a damsel, distressed or otherwise. Nearly everything about Twilight that I reject that isn’t about the nuts and bolts of the work itself is born from that perspective. What little Bella is is very nearly everything I never wanted to be.
And I think you are quite right: what you found wasn’t placed there with any intent – and yet I don’t think you invented it out of whole cloth, either. That is what I love about books and why I am firmly of the mind that a book is only complete when someone reads it. Your book, informed by your life – so many of the same notes as mine, and yet somehow entirely different – is different than the book that I read. So very different, that I am tempted to go back and read at least that first one to see if I can find that version of the story that you unearthed.