I am not a very emotional person. In fact I find affection, especially shown to me or having to show to others extremely cringe worthy. However for years I have always have these nights were get irrationally sad and start thinking about what my life would be like about losing people I love or thjngs I like (mostly people like family members). I feel very anxious. I am an atheist but still I would beg and plead if god exists then I want my fav people to live forever because I can’t ever imagine losing them and I can’t take any risks on this matter.
I have only lost one neighbour I was quite close with and it was awful but since I didn’t witness her slowly get worse in health (due to sickness) I was not affected much and eventually moved on (although I still feel bad and miss her since she was so nice and kind)
I feel awful seeing people around me grow older and get weaker. I wish I were never born so I wouldn’t have to witness this.
I just want to overcome this feeling of anxiety at nights.
Maybe if there are any books that can help in this matter i would like to give them a chance.
by Klutzy-Platypus-4208
4 Comments
Have you read The Midnight Library by Matt Haig?
You might find interesting The Summer of the Great-Grandmother by Madeline L’Engle, although she is Christian and her stream-of-conscience writing is not everyone’s cup of tea.
Pondering existential limits is not easy. Have you thought about talking to a therapist about this?
Maybe try *Old Friends* by Tracy Kidder. It’s non-fiction, and is about two very old men who become unlikely friends in a nursing home. It’s really good.
Or *[Aging as a Spiritual Practice](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/308245/aging-as-a-spiritual-practice-by-lewis-richmond/)* by Lewis Richmond. He is a Zen Buddhist, and the Buddhist perspective on aging and death to me is realistic and sane.
Note: I’m an old person, and I like my life. I have self-confidence and peace of mind that I did not have when I was young. Age can bring acceptance, maturity, and wisdom., not only decay and death. These are not small things.
Morgan Richard Olivier – The Tears That Taught Me
There are some references to Christianity. According to reviews, people called the book a very empathetic and caring look at grief and loss. I am sending you my support. Have a blessed night and take care.
Being mortal by Autumn Gawande