Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua was one of my more disappointing reads of the year.

Wow, this book made me angry. It also made me really sad, and also even more conflicted about my own experience being raised in an Asian family.

For those not in the know, this is a book by corporate lawyer and writer Amy Chua about her experience raising her two daughters in the "traditional" Chinese style – with academic and musical success, obedience, drive, and SUCCESS (oh, did I say that already?) being valued over all else. It's basically a memoir-style work detailing the most extreme form of "tiger parenting."

I read it out of curiosity (and to admit, maybe to see if I could find some of my own mother's voice in Chua's book?) and ended up with more than a few gripes.

• First, the book was published at the wrong time. I think it could have been a lot more insightful if it was published after her children actually grew into adults. The so-called conclusion of the book includes her still-teenager daughters assuring her that they appreciated the way they were raised, and considered it a net positive. I don't know about you, but to me age 14 doesn't seem like the ideal time to get this opinion. It being published later would also give Chua more years to think and maybe make it possible for her to have one single self-reflective point throughout the entirety of the book.
• That sort of brings me into point 2. What is Chua even trying to say with this book? It kind of just seems provocative for the sake of provocation. Okay, you had your child practice for ten hours a day for ten years. You screamed, smashed glasses, never let your child pick extracurricular activities or have friends – at some point it just becomes we get it. What did you learn? What did you conclude about parenting? Do you think you did the right thing? It was a lot more "here are some anecdotes about my children! I yelled a lot" rather than the reflective POV I was expecting. I feel like Chua knew her book would be shocking to a Western audience and just leaned into that rather than make any effort to make her book meaningful.
• Finally, I feel like the most important thing to recognize about this book is that we're hearing about Amy Chua's parenting "success" because ultimately, her kids were able to survive it. Something I think not a lot of people want to acknowledge is that children actually are different – not in the "everybody's special" kind of way, but more matter-of-factly – some children are less able to handle pressure than others. Some are less intelligent, less driven, more prone to distraction. Some children are Yoon-seoks. (There is an anecdote in the book in which Chua's older daughter, Sophia, comes in second to a boy named Yoon-seok on a multiplication test. In response, Chua has Sophia drill multiplication for hours and hours until she comes in first every time for the rest of the year.) But what if Yoon-seok's parents were jut as invested in success as Chua? But no matter how much they drilled him, he just couldn't beat that other girl in his math class? What happens when it's not a math test, but he just can't beat her out for valedictorian, or that Harvard spot, or that job offer? According to Chua's parenting style, he'll be "motivated" by being called garbage every time. Maybe he turns out fine – just second place. Or maybe he becomes a maladjusted adult with anger issues, develops a drinking problem, enters a string of abusive relationships, engages in some combination of these, or just kills himself. And his story will never be told – it'll be "shameful" and hidden forever.

But there were some interesting questions I thought this book raised too. Is parenting simpler than Chua's making it? Can you leave your children to make decisions for themselves, just support them, and have them turn out fine? Or is it actually more complex than she says, and there's some kind of magical balance that needs to be struck? And what should we tolerate within the Asian community? How much of what Westerners consider "abuse" should we accept as part of our culture? None of it? Part of it? What parts? Why do Westerners get to define "default" parenting and Asian parenting is the deviation?

I'm still in high school, and have next to no experience when it comes to child-rearing, so I don't expect to get answers to these anytime soon, but I do wonder about it – especially when I catch myself thinking about how to make sure my children will be in the highest reading group at school without also having them tearing up in the school bathroom over an "In progress" grade. I thought Chua might come up with something in over 200 pages, but she seemed more occupied with recitals & shock value.