Sally Rooney’s Normal People: chronicle of a failed read. What did I miss?

I was trying to read something different.

I have read entirely too many stories of tentacle monsters, bad scifi and fantasy, spicy romance novels, tentacle monsters, a giant Chinese classic novel (which I do recommend), and also tentacle monsters. So, I had bought a copy of this a few years ago to try to round myself out a little. Finally had some time and decided to force myself through it.

And…yeah, it went over my head. The fine observation of the characters' emotions and relationships was way more than I could ever accomplish. If I were trying to write the story from personal experience, Connell would have sat in his room playing video games and studying and just dreamt about Marianne, who would have never noticed him and just thought he was some weird loser in her class. (Which, obviously, would not have won any literary prizes, or likely been published.) I never had the circle of friends these characters did in either high school or college, so I couldn't really relate; I had no reputation to lose, just a few friends here and there, so when Connell talks about Marianne being punished reputationally for Jamie's sins I had to take it on faith.

What I can tell:

1. It's a nice example of the hourglass plot, with Connell on top and Marianne on bottom socially in the beginning and the places reversed throughout most of the book. This nicely develops the theme of class, with Connell being disadvantaged by his working-class upbringing at Trinity (which I gather is the Irish Ivy League equivalent), whereas Marianne has an easier go of it (though she still also gets into bad relationships).

2. There's a big feminist theme with Marianne being threatened and finally abused by her brother, abused by her dad beforehand, and taken advantage of by Jamie, Lukas, and everyone else she dates. Even Connell takes advantage of her before finally becoming less of a jerk (or maybe he's still a jerk and I missed that; quite possible). Ironically it ends with Connell doing a damsel-in-distress rescue of her (or perhaps this is deconstructed in ways I missed).

3. Apparently her masochism derives from her abuse; I'm told this was somewhat controversial. Maybe Rooney is making a point about how bad kink is; maybe it's just in this particular case. (I suspect an extended sequence with Marianne discussing her preferences, picking a safeword, and receiving aftercare would not have fit the theme of the novel.)

What else did I miss?