More contemporary version of Why Does He Do That?

The book is absolutely valuable still! But yes, I agree with the critiques you’ve mentioned; my main criticism was the author’s lack of direct recognition of how much the abusive behaviour he’s identified in his work/ discussed in the book is directly related to misogynistic beliefs and patriarchal power structures. If you’ll permit the analogy, it felt as if he was describing an apple in detail, but refusing to call it an apple. It felt like someone was writing pages and pages on how an apple has red or green skin, grows on trees, can be made into pies, eaten raw, has seeds, etc. etc., and I was nodding along, agreeing, yes- those are all accurate things about apples!- but he wouldn’t call it an apple. Lundy discusses in detail the way in which abusive men weaponize gender as a tool for abuse (both in their own minds as justification and overtly as manipulation), but he never once called it what it is- misogyny.

I know the author has written another book to modernize his work, but I haven’t read it myself. I don’t know if it rectified this issue. While I don’t have another direct recommendation for you (sorry about that) I absolutely think that WDHDT is still a worthwhile read, but I’d then supplement it with other books afterwards to round out the picture and gain a better understanding as to the socio-cultural background underpinning gender-based violence and intimate partner violence and abuse. I’d suggest The Will to Change, by Bell hooks. Unfortunately, it’s not going to meet your criteria of contemporary- it’s also a product of the early 2000s (2004). But it is a great work nonetheless, and hooks’ writing was well before her time. It’s focused on the damage that the patriarchy does to both men and women, and how feminists (regardless of their gender) need to work together to make a more equitable world.