Sometimes a person feels like a monstrous vermin it’s one of those times for me. Life is a constant horror story when your life, your contributions, your existences seems so insignificant or disgusting to other people all one does when outside ones house is fear the hateful retaliation from men maybe one would better off if a superior man just crushed all life from oneself.
Other humans become incomprehensible, dangerous, why keep caring about them when they’ll only hate you?
It’s one of those eras of my life i’ve never understood cosmic horror until now i’ve never understood how being as valuable as bacteria would be so soul-destroying self-knowledge just spirals into more anxiety and desperation to escape.
The most merciful thing in the world i think is man’s ability to laugh when constant possibility of at most being remembered as a pathetic joke and non-human or just being forgotten all of ones actions for others ones beliefs ones most passionate aspirations just noise from a loathsome invertebrate.
Well one can guess one could laugh.
One could guess one could laugh but one will never kill oneself one will just go through a life as a nothing or have ones mind destroyed by paranoia and desperation. It’s been a creative request but I would like to know what books fit what I may be feeling now nothing feels the way except the metamorphosis, no longer human, the outsider, the shadow over innsmouth, and the call of cthulhu their themes of dehumanization and consequences of curiosity are quite relatable I feel a bizarre connection with such stories. I do not feel sad I do not want to cry there’s just a cold nothingness now.
by AX99997