It’s written by the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the columbine shooters. His mother has done so much amazing work with suicide prevention, she has a great Ted talk, but I never realized what an incredible writer and human she was until I started this book.
It’s just so clear how much she loved Dylan. I truly had no idea how painfully normal and happy his life was until this book. So many of the small signs of his depression were things I could relate to as an adolescent; I was suicidal for years but I was so, so good at hiding everything and I can completely understand how shocking it would’ve been to my family to know what my headspace was actually like. She also talks so much about what it was like for her family in the aftermath and it’s truly devastating. She never once defends or justifies anything her son did, but she acknowledges all of her regrets and pain and things she wishes she could’ve done differently.
I’m only a third of the way through right now but this is definitely in my top 3 memoirs and I would recommend it to everyone. It’s made me tear up several times already but I think everyone should read it to understand how we never truly know what is going on in someone’s mind
by qwertycats-
31 Comments
I’ve read this and it’s harrowing isn’t it. My admiration for this woman is immense. When she writes about how it might have been better for the world if her son had never been born, but it wouldn’t have been better for her, well, that was heartbreaking and will stay with me forever.
I found myself carefully questioning her perceptions. Remember, every narrator is an unreliable narrator. I asked myself, what could have been done? Was there any clue that was missed? Any intervention that would have made a difference? Ms. Klebold wrote carefully to eliminate loose ends and unnoticed red flags. Is it possible there was absolutely nothing that could have been done to notice and interrupt this plan? I bet I will have to read it again.
Yeah, this was one of the few books I cried when I finished. So much grief, pain, and regrets.
Her book is so good. It’s been years since I read it and it still sticks with me and as a mom it also terrifies me.
Oh I remember reading this some years ago, so incredibly sad and also brave because she knew that not many people would ever want to hear what she might have to say. I think what hit me the hardest was when she said that, in a way, she had lost her son twice- once by him dying, but also a second time because she was losing the person she had always thought he was.
I don’t know if I could read it. I did watch the documentary about it – it is on Amazon. That was hard enough.
I was 16 and a high school sophomore then.
My kiddos are in elementary school and I haven’t been able to talk about run-hide-fight with them yet. It is just too much.
What are your other top memoirs?
I just finished this book about a month ago! It’s incredibly well written and so sad. Definitely recommend
I worked with her husband, Dylan’s father, on a major engineering project in Florida a few years before the shooting and he’s a very decent likeable guy. My wife at the time had a business trip to Colorado and met the whole family a few years before and thought they were a good, happy family. I never tried to read the book and after reading these comments, it’s likely to sad to do so.
Thank you for the suggestion, just bought ebook.
I’ve seen her documentary, I have a lot of compassion for the way she accepts responsibility but doesn’t try to deny she loved her son.
I have very mixed feelings about this book. I wrote a lengthy review but refused to rate it when I was finished with it.
The first half made me cry. Ms. Klebold is a very talented writer and she did an excellent job describing her grief. However, the second half of the book had a very “woe is me” feel to it. Like, “look what I’ve been through, I don’t understand why everyone hates me.”
I felt that she failed to acknowledge her failures as a parent and showed an abundance of denial about the problems her son was displaying prior to the massacre. Instead, she focused on how *unfair* it was that the media portrayed them as a wealthy family. Her attempt at turning her son’s legacy into that of a tragic suicide victim felt like an incredible injustice to the 13 people who were killed and 24 others who were injured.
It’s a good book and shows an interesting side to the school shooter tragedies, but I feel very little sympathy for these people.
I absolutely LOVED this books. Heartbreaking. Extremely heartbreaking. But such a beautiful love letter of a MOTHER, separate from her son’s atrocities.
Agree, it was a riveting account, how normal went to unspeakably cruel in one day, how you don’t always have red flags that could prevent it.
I have this book but havent read it. I will now.
This should be required reading for any parent with soon to be teenagers.
She was also interviewed in Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon, which is also excellent.
I wonder if she was a narcissistic parent prior to her having to witness these events. No blame to her of course I’m sure she’s wonderful, but I haven’t looked much into this case and I wonder if this had something to do with it.
I loved this book. So sad but I think everyone should know her story. I hate that she was blamed for what happened. Side note, she only writes a line or two about it but if people wanted to blame someone besides the boys they should have started with the cops. Eric Harris had been reported to police long before this happened for harassing and threatening to kill another kid online. They had a warrant to search his house but they never did. If they had they would have found the bombs he was making and none of this would have happened. Later when this info came to light they tried to cover it up by removing pages from the file they had on him. Parents of victims sued for the files and noticed there was stuff missing because the stupid cops forgot to change the page numbers in the file. Wish more people knew that part of the story too.
Thank you for sharing. I’m adding this one to my must read pile.
ive listened to her Ted talk on you tube. It saddened me that people blamed her for the shooting, how much do teenagers tell their parents? If they were anything like me, not much at all, yes there may have been tell tale signs of him having a personality disorder but how many of us would just brush that off as a “moody teenager”
interesting that she was in denial about Dylans involvement also
You only have to read it once. I know a fair bit about Columbine. I didn’t think I was going to get emotional. Then I read her book. When she writes about hoping that Dylan is rummaging through the refrigerator just guts me. Started blabbering like a baby.
She just wanted to take that deep breath. She never will be able to take that deep centering breath. She didn’t deserve this. She did everything she could with the information she had. The book humanized Dylan. It reminded me a lot of the kids I grew up with. It never justifies his actions. It shows that they were a ridiculously normal family. If it could happen to them it could happen to anyone.
I just listened to this audiobook, read by the author. It’s quite powerful and heartbreaking as well.
I just couldn’t do it. Too much.
Interestingly I found I lost a huge amount of sympathy for Sue as I read. She didn’t know her son at all. I felt that she wanted to ensure people knew that she was a good mother and she didn’t know why he would do it. She wanted to emphasize that her child was her “sunshine boy” and she quite distinctly blames Eric for corrupting her kid. Also she frequently comments about how there’s no one on earth that could understand the exact feelings she had. Really? As if there’s not another mother in her community in the identical scenario. But, of course, her child was the sunshine boy and that mother’s kid was the psychopath.
Also, her recommendations for parents to read their children’s journals or for schools to report work with a violent subject matter for counseling have high potential for ruining trust with kids/ students.
I found that Columbine by Dave Cullen actually had a far more sympathetic take towards Dylan.
This book is what changed my ideas about murder-suicide. There’s always the question of “Why didn’t they kill themselves before killing other people? Why did they have to murder if they were going to kill themselves anyway?” The answer is definitely more complicated, but it comes down to what is said in the book: We have a deep-seated desire to live that is hard to overcome. Doing something so bad and permanent forces our hand and makes it easier. I’m sure I’m not explaining it half as eloquently as she does in the book. Also, I started using the term “brain health” instead of “mental health”. The brain is an organ that can stop functioning normally. When people hear “mental health”, they think it’s just in the mind, not something that can be physical.
I strongly admire her and believe she’s really using her experience to help initiate change in the world.
Such a beautiful book
Agreed. Also better to engage in some good book reading which helps one to heal internally. It’s also known as bibliotheraphy and works most often
There’s only one thing that irks me out a bit is how she portrays Dylan as an innocent defenless kid and Eric as the villain.
Both were despicable when they did the attack. Dylan was laughing at the library raid. He was not a defenseless kid that Eric manipulated, both of them fed each other — Eric’s sociopathic tendencies were met with Dylan’s sucidal-homicidal thoughts and feelings.
I’ve read it probably 50 times. It’s is one of the most real, raw, devastating books I’ve ever read. I have so much love and compassion for that woman.