I have a younger sister who is nearly 20, and she was decently nice and very promising in school. However, after school she's gone mad. She's fighting and psychologically abusing everyone at home (like destroying their things and calling them awful names). I think she has anger issues; she blames family is at fault for "ruining her life" (for not providing her money to live on her own (they can provide her to live alone modestly but she wants more than that)).
She has grown extremely asocial, doesn't leave her room. Has lost friends. Has been with questionable older man who's been jailed. When asked what's her plan for the future, she yells "fuck off". She doesn't study, doesn't work, doesn't even help anyone at home and instead makes it harder for others (intentionally making mess, breaking things, she even cut the cord from the washing machine so mother has to wash clothes with hands). She spends her days watching tiktok, series, and manifesting for "wealth". What kind of future does she have?!
None of us understands what's going on. She's becoming more unbearable everyday. Everyone wants her to move out, but she refuses, screams, and threatens. She is very angry everyday, blaming everyone, yelling. Those who live with her are scared to make "a wrong move".
Noone would be against her living at home if only she wasn't intentionally destroying things of others (like breaking all of my mother's lipsticks). And if only she wouldn't be yelling at them daily. Nothing is really asked of her more than that.
Is there any psychological book to help me understand her behavior? Is this anger issues? She sees nothing wrong with what she's doing, has also blocked me (because of her anger), so therapy or talking with her is off the table. I'm puzzled and worried.
by glimmeringirl
3 Comments
Why Does He Do That?
Clearly, by the title, it’s about abusive men, but it can be applied regardless of gender.
I suggest looking at some of Melodie Beattie’s work, like *Codependent No More*, or *The New Codependency*. This isn’t to say that I think you or anyone in your family is codependent, but her work is all about setting boundaries. Understanding why boundaries are important, and what a meaningful boundary looks like. Learning to sit with the discomfort of setting a boundary and letting someone experience the (sometimes sad and painful) consequences of their choices.
What she could be diagnosed with isn’t as important as developing skills to deal with the unpleasant behavior of someone else you can’t control.
There’s a possibility there is substance abuse involved from the behavior you’re describing. That may not be the case, but it can often account for “sudden” changes. If she has medications that she had recently started or stopped taking, that is another possibility. Regardless, I’m so sorry you’re family is experiencing this.
As for books, I second the suggestion for “codependent no more”. You can also check out Al-Anon groups if you want a support group.