Workbook / Psychology books dedicated to discerning normal human flaws from abusive, manipulative, or malicious behaviour?

Thank you for any responses in advance 🙂 both self help, biographies, and fiction that deal with this concept are helpful and appreciated

So for a little context but feel free to skip as it’s not the lightest material:

Although I’ve known and experienced it for a long time, I have very, very little ability to discern flaws you can work on in a relationship (both platonic and romantic though for this I’m focused more on romantic relationships) from malicious or abusive behaviour in people.

I tend to get into the same cycle. Giving bad people chances over and over and over again. Convinced they are good people, absolutely sure on waiting for the flaw to be worked on in a relationship and doing so with me. That they’re really great people who care in ways people do not normally. They seem like great choices. And then always, they’re suddenly not. They do a 180, and I am blindsided and confused.

It’s so disheartening because these people just seem so nice and good choices, it happens over and over and the more it happens, the more I feel I can’t trust my own judgement. How can I prevent it if I can’t ever see it?

Blame the very real case for autism (runs in the family), my very tumultuous and emotionally abusive relationship with my mother and absent father, and just a constant lather rinse repeat on the same kinds of relationships. But I am losing my trust in myself.

So in essence, I’m looking for a book or workbook that can help discern normal human flaws that are worked on in a relationship, from abusive, manipulative, or malicious behaviours of someone who isn’t a good person in the end, just act like it till it suits them.

I know it seems silly, for someone reading this who hasn’t been gaslit and emotionally manipulated from birth or long term, it sounds a little absurd, even to me and I wish it were not true, but the truth is I do not trust my own perceptions, but I do want to find a good person.

I’ve attempted to search for this without posting but a lot of the ones I’ve seen are people with abusive tendencies looking for books to help them notice their own behaviour, which isn’t really what I’m looking for. Also therapy is the best choice but not really an option right now. I wish someone would even just give me a checklist lol maybe I can make one.