TL;DR: I’m madly in love with my boyfriend but he’s not ready to take the next step in our relationship. I’m searching for answers about how much hope I should have and if I should wait for him. Any book suggestions for that?
I’m going through a really tough time. I met my boyfriend two years ago in grad school. He left a 6 year long distance relationship during our first year and we ended up getting together not long after. We both knew it was soon and maybe in a perfect world he would have had more time to process but the feelings were there already between us and the proximity of being in school together made it difficult to wait.
Now we’ve graduated and he’s moving to a different city for work. I’m job hunting now and wanted to go there with him, even though it wouldn’t have been my first choice of location otherwise. We love each other, he’s the first person I’ve dated that I’ve truly seen a future and a family with and I’m so scared to lose him. That said, he told me he feels like he hasn’t made as much progress after his last breakup as he thought he would and he’s not ready for me to move with him because of the pressure it would add. He is about to go on a trip with friends from childhood for a month and wants to take space while he’s away to see if he feels differently.
I truly believe that he can work through what’s holding him back if he puts his mind to it and I believe him when he says he wants that and wants to find a way to be together. That said, I don’t know if I should just walk away now instead. I can move forward with my life and job hunt without “waiting” on him too much, but emotionally I’m struggling with what boundaries to set for our time apart. Do I want no contact at all (that sounds terrible, he’s my best friend and I can’t imagine not talking to him) or do I want to preserve some communication? I still have hope that things could work out but I know I can’t do the work for him and don’t know how I want to handle myself moving forward.
Any book suggestions for heartache and confusion?
by sweetpotato82