My take on “It Starts With Us” by Colleen Hoover

I know many of you are going to think I’m crazy for continuing with Hoover’s book, but hear me out! Personally, I think this second series was way better than the first series because it seemed to focus more on the issues of divorce and co-parenting and the character Atlas. I like how the author navigates the conflicts of divorce and past abuse through two accounts: Lily and Atlas. It was more relatable and somewhat meaningful to me with no weird love triangle to distract and or frustrate me.

I really love how we learn more about who Atlas is and watching as he overcomes his own personal conflicts. His humbleness during difficult situations such as calmly confronting his mother about her treatment on his long-lost brother, and restraining himself during a physical confrontation with Ryle, and supporting as well as having patience with Lily as she tries to figure out her life, really influenced me on how I should approach my own stressful conflicts. The way he never gives up no matter how hard life may be, and his forgiveness towards his mother who neglected him goes to show how valuable of a character he is in the story. He truly demonstrates how one should approach a certain problem and to remain humble no matter how difficult it may be.

The reality of being newly divorced and navigating the struggles of co-parenting is represented through Lily's account. In the beginning, Lily had high hopes that her and her ex-husband, Ryle can have a civil relationship and perhaps even possibly be friendly towards each other while raising their young daughter, Emmy. However, due to Ryle's possessiveness over Lily, Lily becomes too afraid to move on with her childhood friend, Atlas due to her current and past fear of Ryle. And the way Ryle tried using his own daughter to input himself in Lily's decision making on her personal life, reflects many parents who sadly use their own children during legal battles with their ex-partners. The complexity of divorce and co-parenting is different for everyone where some may have a friendly and or civil coparenting relationship with their ex-partner, while others have a more messy experience. Lily's hope to have a more civil and or even friendly co-parenting relationship with Ryle I would like to think is everyone's wish. But in some cases isn't. Despite her personal fear and anger towards Ryle, I have to admire Lily's push for her daughter to have a healthy, loving father-daughter relationship with Ryle since she never had that relationship with her own father. She sets the example of the importance of putting your child's needs over your personal needs when it comes to co-parenting, and making sure that during the exchange the ex-partner provides a safe and loving environment for their child. And through Atlas's patience, selflessness, and support, she eventually has the strength to not only move on with him without worrying about Ryle's approval, but confront Ryle on his abusive characteristics and setting strict boundaries that she will not be influenced or possessed by him during their co-parenting relationship.

I realize now it's easy to judge Lily's character and decision simply because we our the outsiders looking in, but when you are the insider your decision is very different. Everyone's expierence is different and how people handle and cope with it is different. Nobody is born having their lives figured out until they have gone through some bumps on their journey. It's your experience with those bumps that shapes your perception of life and how you want it to be in order to ensure your happiness.

Again this is my personal account. I’m curious to know for those of you who have read it, what do you think?