Today, I realized that I don't really know what I want anymore. When I have a day or an afternoon to myself, I often don't know how to spend it. So I may end up staying at home and knit a lot. Which is fine, but not spectacular, and it means sitting on my butt which is apparently the modern way of killing yourself early. It's not too often that I get time to myself, like, I do have a young family and a job where people look to me for guidance. You might say my life is full of meaning 🙂
So. I think I'm at a stage where my wants, wishes and desires are changing. Much less about what I should do to get my life in the direction I want it to go in. More about staying on course myself, helping as many others as possible and maximizing good vibes along the way.
When I think about the latter two things, helping others and maximizing good vibes, I find that in my head, they sometimes seem to be at odds. Do I deserve the good vibes if I haven't helped others to the max? Should I do something more valuable to society rather than trying to figure out how I want to enjoy my day?
I know I should probably read Moral ambition by Rutger Bregman, but I'm kind of scared to do so. I'm afraid I'll come away feeling like I'm not good enough.
Based on these ponderings, which books would you recommend?
by WiseQuirk
1 Comment
Sounds like you could use a journal… you’re asking a lot of big questions for yourself, and at the end of the day, there’s only one person who can answer them: you! Journaling has opened a lot of doors for me to dig deep into my own thoughts and fears and wants and needs, and bring things to the surface I had never really uncovered before.
Of course you can always start a blank journal and start conversing with yourself about the issues you mentioned, but if you are a little unsure on how to get started, you can try one of about a kazillion guided journaling workbooks out there. Some I’ve used or heard good things about:
– Design Your Life Workbook
– The Bucket List Journal
– Your Guide to Self-Discovery
– Becoming Workbook (a companion to Michelle Obama’s memoir of the same name)
There are also a ton of faith-based books like that if you have a belief system that you want to incorporate into these big questions.
I would also mention – I know many people still think therapy is for broken people. And I myself started going to a therapist because I was afraid of some pretty dark stuff inside me. But years later, now that I’ve done some of that terrible scary work, I’ve also found myself relatively often at a plateau of sorts. All the stuff I couldn’t process I was able to process, and found my inner-life to be so much more peaceful (like it sounds is the case for you). But darn it if I had no clue what to do with all my free time that used to get gobbled up by fear and regret. My therapist has also been invaluable helping me get through those times as well.
Time is a finite resource, as valuable or more so than money. If you found you had a large amount of money left over every month, you could just leave it in your bank, or you could go to a money manager, a professional who will tell you how to maximize your money based on your wants and needs, and then help you do it. I kind of think of therapy like that in good times.
Either way, I hope you find something that sparks your obvious passion and curiosity about the world around you.