Reccomend me a book about characters addicted to toxic relationships
I’ve recently come to realize that I’m addicted to toxic relationships- not necessarily romantic, but relationships formed with a lack of positive attachment or relationships with another person to which we’re both miserable and are just comfortable being miserable together. Having long since left a past of toxic relationships with unhealthy people and a toxic relationship, now living with healthy people and relationships with more positive reinforcement then I’m comfortable with, I feel extremely uncomfortable and I want to run away. I feel like I don’t deserve it, like I’m not the person they think deserves this sort of thing, an impostor, and I just wanna go back to the relationships I used to have.
I want to read books dealing with this topic, I wanna see suffering similar to mine. Preferably without drugs, as that’s not a topic I’m interested in.
To be more specific, I used to be extremely emotionally unhealthy and I had friends just like me, and we wouldn’t do much aside from exist together and suffer mutually. And a toxic girlfriend who I kept completely back to because I felt like I could fix her/I felt like I deserved this/felt like she needed me/attracted to her neediness (though I didn’t understand at the time.) Now, I’m emotionally stable with stable friends that show me a lot of love and attachment. When they do, I feel at a loss of breath- I feel like it’s misdirected and should be given to someone else, someone more fitting. I feel like I’m not fitting in, like I’m not supposed to be in this sort of situation, and I find myself feeling empty and missing what I used to have and wanting to go back to that because it’s familiar and more comfortable than what I have now because I haven’t fully adjusted. I would be interested in books dealing with the topic of not feeling worthy of attachment, especially love and positive attachment, and being forced/forcing to accept and adjust to it.
by HottestElbows