I desperately need a book that will hook me immediately and keep me hooked

Hi. I’m in the biggest god damn reading slump of my life. I cannot stick with a single book and I don’t know why. Please help.

Requirements:
– Must have an audiobook
– Must be written by a woman
– Must pass the bechdel test
– Must immediately hook you & keep you hooked
– Not super predictable (it’s cool if you can predict it by putting clues together, but I just don’t want it to be super obvious)

Things I like: (these are not requirements, more like goals)
– I normally read romantic fantasy, but I kinda want to branch out
– Plot driven
– Rich characters
– Romance subplot
– Woman in the lead (preferably a woman older than 19. But if it’s YA I’ll make an exception)
– Humor
– Suspense
– Chaos (I like it when there’s A LOT going on)
– Feminist “values”: idk how else to put this because I don’t mean that I want a book that has a feminist message or feminist activism, just a book that would make a killjoy feminist happy. If you don’t know what I mean by this, just see the things I don’t like.

Things I don’t like: (again, it’s not required that these are avoided, but I would like to if possible).
– strict gender roles
– Women characters who don’t have their own arc (aka, they’re nothing more than a plot device or love interest)
– Women characters that have no flaws except “sassy”.
– Romanticized: creepy behavior /sexual assault/ abuse
– Dense writing