Self-help books on how to beat RUMINATION, OCD, and more.

Hi, I’m a 25m from Barcelona. Would love to see suggestions from you guys about books that helped in similar situations or helped you break-free, here is the context:

I’ve been suffering since a kid from OCD, adhd, anxiety and depression. It came to my realization later now at 25. I come from a narcissistic mother and totally father figure abstention. I dealt and still deal sometimes with shame, not feeling wanted or loved, isolation, self-sabotaging, etc. But, it came to my realization that all my problems come from “***rumination*** **ocd**”. It all ties together trough rumination that gives me OCD thoughts about past experiences or repeating thoughts in a loop trying to find the answers of everything, the why of the why non-stop, infinitely. This leads to anxiety, and anxiety trying to problem-solve through rumination (again) to feel safe in my own mind and body. All of this leading me to depression and also ADHD. You get the infinite loop of symptoms I’m breaking as of now. I’m 50% break free from my past thanks to understanding all my traumas and experiences, now I’m working on fixing, learning techniques, **changing mindset and rewiring my brain into a new state of mind**.

I’m tired of always finding the next “why of why of the why…” of a problem that occurs or did occur, or how to prevent it. I went far and beyond in consciousness and understanding of why all happened and happens to me this way, now I must “train” and self-help me to crush **rumination** as I see rumination now as my enemy, and always have been. Though, thanks to this enemy it did certainly help me gain exceeding consciousness about everything, and it’s time to say goodbye to this enemy living in my head, I’ve had enough. *Thanks rumination for the lessons hard-endured I learnt and still learning as of today.*

So, the most important aspect, is **rumination** itself. I started ruminating since I was a kid, for neglected emotions always from my mother, that made me fell shame,neglectful, etc. Then I compensated this unsafe environment by trying to accommodate my feelings, thoughts and mood to my mothers feeling, past-relationships, breaking over and over my boundaries that were practically non-existent and abandoning myself since ever for the rest, also not having any reciprocal love from my mother nor my father. Therefore, rumination kicks-in in terms of preventing that UN-safe environment, repeating past experiences in a loop, and constantly worrying about the future to avoid danger or similar situations, all unconscious back then as a Kid.

The “danger” and “fear” I have felt all years since a kid 24/7 got me stuck in life in a constant loop of worrying, suffering, self-sabotaging, blaming, etc. I know the fears are irrational as a perceived “danger” of past traumatic experiences, that are not real. So, my way of life has always been **thinking obsessively** about situations, people, past relationships, problem solving to avoid this “threats” that are not real, isolating, solitude, feeling disconnected from people except ex-partners aggravating attachment issues, and seeing life as suffering.

NOW I’m beating 100% and trying to put under control **rumination** (not the other way around), that leads to all my symptoms of (adhd, anxiety, depression and ocd).

*I’m trying to relate with readers who had past experiences similar like mine and got trough this constant loop of “hell rumination” all days, and making your life feel empty and tormented to live most-days*. So, I would love that you guys could suggest me books related to **breaking the patterns of rumination.** Other books towards self-love, healing childhood trauma, self-sabotage, narcissistic survivors etc are welcomed.

Though, **rumination is what ties all together**, so I want to break the rope before it goes into the negative ruminating loop and catch myself when I tend to go back to “my way of being in a tormented mind and live in constant anxiety and depression isolating myself” triggered by rumination, and **rewire my brain** learning this new state of mind for me and unlearning the past one that I did not decide to adopt it as a way of life-style, but now I do have the power myself of changing.

*As you can see in this post, I must confess I do have OCD (if you did not notice) 🙂 , and I’m making sure everything is well understood to avoid conflict or that my feelings are understood (childhood trauma and validation seeking). :)*

Remember there’s no light without darkness, nor darkness without light. Light after all of this is waiting for us all going through this situations. We are warriors.

Thank you for reading! Much love for all reddit users out there!

Hope you have a wonderful life!

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by waylormusic