So basically, often I cannot relate, when it’s brought up that girls have to be careful with guys, that the world out there is scary for girls, that there are certain things that girls think and worry about, etc. I usually just think “that’s ridiculous”, “who lives in fear? That’s just crazy.”, “that’s silly”, etc. I just can’t relate. Is there a book I could read to be more considerate about these sort of things. You know what I mean? Understanding more the way girls think? Thanks.
by superrenzo64
16 Comments
The Gift of Fear
Off the top of my head, fiction written by women could be a good start if you’re inclined to take on meta-analysis (e.g. The Handmaid’s Tale). Non-fiction though, I find it tough to recommend one because girls/women are individual people first before they are a group. Books about their collective experience will almost always have to be partitioned by era, country, society, age, etc.. I would suggest looking into modern feminism if it’s not too heavy of a topic. Otherwise, maybe the best way to get to know them is to talk to them and trust they’re not lying to you.
Know My Name by Chanel Miller. It’s a memoir of the victim of a high-profile rape case. It touches not just on the assault, the personal consequences it had for her and the following trial, but all the speculation and victim-blaming she received online.
I have several book suggestions, but here is a link to an essay that is easy to read and understand, “Men just don’t trust women, and it’s a huge problem.” [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/men-just-dont-trust-women_b_6714280](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/men-just-dont-trust-women_b_6714280)
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A False Report: A True Story of Rape in America
What the Body Remembers: A Memoir of Sexual Assault and Its Aftermath
Drawing Power: Women’s Stories of Sexual Violence, Harassment, and Survival: A Comics Anthology
#MeToo and Literary Studies: Reading, Writing, and Teaching About Sexual Violence and Rape Culture
We Believe You: Survivors of Campus Sexual Assault Speak Out
Trigger (sexual harassment):
I would also like to point out that I’m an older gen x woman who grew up in a small town on the West Coast (USA), and sexual harassment began for me before I hit puberty, at the age of 11-12. I’ll tell you some stories about my own personal experiences: my friend and I were walking to the store at age 11, and when we were under a freeway overpass, a man stopped his car to ask directions. A naked man. We ran the opposite direction to the nearest building and he drove off thankfully.
I have been approached at bus stops while waiting for the school bus by men in their 30s asking if I needed a ride (age 14-15). I have been followed by cars while out jogging (ages 16-17), and once a neighbor (a man in his forties) tried to kiss me when I was 8 years old. One time, a man I was walking past commented “Looking good” and against my better judgement, i said, “Thanks.” And he turned around and followed me and groped my breasts (I was 19) until I ran into a store. Young women have good reason to live in fear.
Women or girls? Or both?
The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying vampires by Grady Hendrix. Is a fiction horror but it’s also an allegory about how systems of cultural oppression are upheld without men realizing it (good ol boys club) and stop the ability for women to speak out on horrible things that happen to them
The Power is a novel by Naomi Alderman. All women suddenly get super powers resulting in a shift of the power balance between men and women. Perhaps you – like the men in the book – can easier see the differences you’re talking about when the tables have turned? Read it several years ago, but I remember it as action-filled, eye-openers and well wort a read!
Not That Bad by Roxanne Gay. It’s a book of essays written by women.
This is a really cool thing to post. Not a book rec necessarily sorry if this isn’t helpful, maybe if you asked the women in your life how they prepare themselves to go into the world at night. look up rejection killings, stuff like that. it’s fragile because if we don’t want to give someone our number a lot of us don’t want to make that person angry so we still have to be overly polite even if we want to just say “no”
and even though we know it’s not all men, it’s enough men that almost all of us are at least cautious
Bastard Out of Carolina.
Pretty much any Toni Morrison.
And this list of other fiction books about sexual assault.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/27/books/novels-that-tackle-sexual-assault.html?smid=nytcore-android-share
ETA basically, it’s when you realize that women have to think about every action through a lens of the potential of being harassed and/or assaulted, and that the emotion you see as an overreaction is actually an underreaction given, like, the patriarchy.
It’s not so much “living in fear” as being much more aware that things could take a bad turn. I typically read sci fi, so this is what I have:
* As others have mentioned, The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood is a great classic about a repressive authoritarian regime taking over in the US. However, nowadays it’s a bit dated in terms of showing what life is/was like for women, so just bear that in mind. Like, when I think about what I worry about in life, it doesn’t at all resemble what happens in this book, both in the flashbacks to everyday life before the takeover, and after.
* I also recommend [The Blind Assassin](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/78433.The_Blind_Assassin) by Margaret Atwood. It’s a more realistic setting but still shows situations where women are at the mercy of men and how this isn’t just silliness.
* [Rule 34](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/8853299) by Charles Stross. Near future sci fi. Don’t be put off by the title, it is about police investigating a series of murders set up to look like embarrassing household accidents. While it isn’t the main focus of the book, it shows some casual career sexism as well as a man taking advantage of a woman in a complicated scenario.
* Anything by Octavia E. Butler. I just recently read [Kindred](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60931.Kindred), which is historical fantasy set in the real world, not sci fi. This author does a great job writing complex characters and showing the difficult choices they have to make given the way society is set up. Kindred is also kind of an old book, but in my opinion it has aged very well and is still applicable to modern day people’s experiences. It is about both race and gender. While I put off reading it for a long time because I found the premise uninteresting, once I started reading I powered through it in under 3 days. It’s just so enthralling.
Jon Krakauer’s non-fiction book, Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town.
OP, I highly recommend you read This Bridge Called My Back!!!
It’s written by a whole bunch of women of color and talks a lot about the traumas involved with being a woman. It also talks about the beauty of womanhood and the necessity of intersectional feminism.
It’s a beautiful read. And don’t skip the prefaces at the beginning because they are also very good and insightful.
This book is often the introduction to feminist theory in college courses because it is easy to read, engaging, and impactful.
Good luck to you. It’s an honorable thing to try to understand another perspective.
Girlhood by Melissa Febos
Speak.