I’m currently reading a memoir an Asian-origin American woman after it was recommended on multiple lists online. It started off fine, but I’m a quarter way through, and I’m so upset.
The book talks about the struggles of growing up brown/Asian in the US. The author talks about her toxic dad, who pushed her to study more to get into prestigious universities. And how she was bullied at school. I understand that life can be hard, no questions.
But I’m so angry at my own life, my own situation, and I don’t know how to stop. Even if I stop reading this book, there’s always something else /other books along these lines. I am Asian/brown, and I came to the US because I was interested in a very specific medical/scientific field that wasn’t a thing in my country. And once I started living alone, I also came to realize the intensity of the toxic behavior I had been subjected to by my mom, growing up (think victim blaming a 10 yo for SA). I have struggled all my life with mental illness, I don’t think I can go back without falling mentally ill again.
And here, it’s been so hard to live without being reminded how unwanted I am in this country. Having a PhD doesn’t matter, i still can’t find a job, and I can’t stay in the country for too long without a job.
If I could just trade lives with one of these American born Asians going on and on about their struggles with bullying, I would in a heart beat. I know logically and rationally that this is not a competition, and everybody has the right to write memoirs about their hard lives. I KNOW all of that, on an intellectual level. But I just can’t NOT get angry at all the complaining from people who didn’t have to struggle for even the most basic things.
by Cats_andCurls
4 Comments
Go to therapy
Stay away from memoirs/non-fiction that hits close to your personal life, and (as another commentor said) consider seeking therapy.
Oh friend, of course you are angry. I’m so sorry you experience/d that.
I think this book is bringing out some feelings that maybe you were keeping stuffed down. It would definitely be a good idea to explore that in therapy.
When I am feeling more fragile, I read books that won’t trigger me, like cozy mysteries or romance.
Stop consuming content that upsets you and look into therapy.