Hello!
I’m wondering what the general consensus on critiquing books that friends recommend?
I’m feeling a bit torn at the moment. I have a friend who has recently started reading and asked me to read a certain popular romantasy series. Long story short… I don’t like them, my friend loves them. I don’t want to lie when they ask my thoughts but I also don’t want to tear a book they love to shreds.
When you are recommended a book you don’t like, how do you toe the line of being a hater and providing legitimate criticism?
by UncommercializedMail
9 Comments
I say, “Sorry friend-o, this wasn’t for me. I’m glad, though, that you’re enjoying yourself.”
I’m always honest. People have different tastes and that’s fine. I have a friend and a family member who both recommend romance to me all the time, knowing I don’t really like the genre. Whenever I give it a chance, I still dont like it, but they keep trying lol.
I wouldn’t tear the books to shreds, just say they’re not for you and cite maybe one or two reasons.
I think you already know the answer – be honest, as nicely as you possibly can. If you aren’t honest, they will keep recommending books you don’t like (it has happened to me!)
You don’t have to lie but you can have some tact about how you go about it. Instead of trashing or going on tangents about it, you can be polite with your answer.
Imagine how would you feel if someone ripped your favourite book, so much that you’d recommended to a friend, and act accordingly. It means a lot to people not only to like things but also to share them, that shows a different kind of consideration.
If you are feeling patient & understanding, it is also always nice to ask people what they like about a certain character/event/book and let them speak, too. Sometimes they want to share and talk about things they love, so lending an ear, even if it wasn’t for you, can be such a kind gesture.
Good question. I don’t like to yuck others Yums. I think if I recommended a book I’d want the person to
Like it. What’s the saying discretion is the better part of valor. I wouldn’t go ham over it to this person but maybe find what you did like about it. I was recently recommended some books and the brat in my head plugged her nose and gave them two thumbs down. I’m trying to find things that I like about them so that I have positive things to say. I love the people that gave the suggestion and I’m so happy that they wanted to share what they liked. It’s so sweet.
“Not really my thing, but I can see why other people like it.” Unless you have some reason to think your friend wants an in-depth review, I can’t see any reason to rip the book to shreds. There’s a lot of space between lying and providing the world’s most brutal critique.
This seems like a pretty important life skill, fwiw. Call it tact. There are many times in life when you may be called upon to answer a question is a way that is honest but doesn’t unnecessarily hurt other people’s feelings.
“Didn’t care for it, glad you love it!”
I also think it can be helpful, if your friend presses you on your opinion, to think of this in terms of your taste and preferences and frame it that way, rather than talking about the quality of the book. I’m a mystery fan, but I like mysteries that focus on characterization as much as plot, so there are a lot of mysteries out there that really don’t appeal to me. Rather than saying “this book is dumb because nobody’s motivations make any sense, and it seems designed around delivering a bunch of improbable plot twists,” I might say “it’s really exciting, but I prefer mysteries that are more character-driven and less fast-paced.” That makes it about me expressing my preferences, rather than about me seeming to imply that the other person is wrong or dumb for liking something.
I’ve gone with “while it wasn’t my favorite, I’m glad I read it so we can talk about this one part/character/funny line that I liked. What was your favorite part?” and then you can still talk to them about why they love it. Sometimes what they say about it will even sway me enough to reconsider my stance on it, whether it’s a different interpretation or ways to relate to material that I couldn’t connect with because I have no frame of reference for it.
Either way, your friend is going to be happy to talk about their favorite book, you get to know your friend better, and your friendship gets a bit stronger. Plus maybe you can use the opportunity to share your favorite book with them.