Hey guys, I’m trying to read a book a week this year and would like to share what I learn with y’all. Here’s my review and summary of a book I’m sure yall have heard of and would love to learn about. This is taken straight from my weekly newsletter which yall can find by clicking ‘my newsletter’ on my profile. hope yall enjoy
**How to Win Friends and Influence People:**
A president befriends his biggest political foe.
A husband rekindles the romance in a failing marriage.
A general wins a battle after winning his people.
A businessman prospers after making his clients his friends.
The pages of Dale Carnegie’s most famous work are filled with these short and inspiring stories of both the world’s elite and everyday people changing difficult circumstances into incredible progress.
The message is simple: such stories could be present abundantly in your life – but only when you are able to master the art of working with people.
Unfortunately, most people do not have this skill. They fail to make good friends, fail to excel in business, and fail to cultivate nourishing relationships in their life.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is positioned as the solution for those who find themselves in that situation.
In this review, I’ll summarize the most important topics that Carnegie covers along with my favorite excerpts. I’ll make sure to include plenty of practical advice that you can apply today to grow your relationships, all before concluding with my honest thoughts and ratings.
Here we go:
**Part One: “Fundamental Techniques in Handling People”**
This is the shortest section of the book, but probably the most important. It sets the foundational skills you need to be successful in any realm of human endeavor.
The first fundamental technique, and a theme that is repeated throughout the book, can be put into two words: Don’t criticize.
Carnegie quotes Benjamin Franklin’s secret to success as the most influential ambassador in American History:
**“I will speak ill of no man… and speak all the good I know of everybody.”**
Carnegie writes:
**“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”**
You will never improve your relationships if you criticize. But you certainly will lose them if you do.
Second, make others feel important. A feeling of importance is among the top 8 essential wants of the average person.
The best way to do this is through genuine compliments. The following quote was cited nearly a dozen times in the book:
**“Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”**
If you treat others in this way, they will remember what you say long after you forgot you said it.
The last fundamental principle is simple: Focus on what other people want.
Most people think about themselves 95% of the time. Why not be the one to think about others and focus on what they want and need in life?
Doors in every sphere of life will open by doing so.
**Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You**
This is what we all came here for, right?
How can we be liked? How can we be popular? How can we naturally make people want to be around us?
The book suggests six methods to do this, but I’ll just share my favorite three with you. You can (and should) read the book for the rest.
**Method 1: “Smile.”**
The best way to make a good impression is to smile.
**“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy.’”**
A genuine smile helps you to enjoy what you do, everything from waiting tables to managing a Fortune 500 firm.
A successful chairman of a large rubber company said:
**“A man rarely succeeds at anything unless he has fun doing it.”**
Carnegie explains that even forcing yourself to smile helps you to be happier and enjoy life more fully.
No one wants to do business with, be friends with, or even be around anyone who is not enjoying life.
Conversely, these things will be easy for whoever is happy.
So smile, be happy, and watch you relationships flourish.
**Method 2: “Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language.”**
This section recounts the story of a poor Irish boy named Jim Farley, who worked his way from poverty to helping run the campaign that put FDR in the White House.
His secret? He had the ability to remember tens of thousands of names.
He could see someone he met years ago, pat them on the back, call them by name, and pick up the conversation from when they first met.
Naturally, people were drawn to him — and whatever product he was selling or campaign he was running.
Remembering someone’s name is not just a helpful suggestion; not doing so can have detrimental effects.
**“The average man is more interested in his own name than he is in all the other names on Earth put together.**
**“Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid him a subtle and very effective compliment.**
**“But forget it or misspell it — and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.”**
When meeting someone, repeat their name, ask where its from, or write it down. Do what it takes to remember it.
You can’t afford not to.
**Method 3: “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.”**
Ironically, the best way to become good at conversation is to listen.
Remember, people want to feel important. There is no better way to help other people feel important than by listening and talking about their interests.
Carnegie recounts a dinner party where he listened to a passionate botanist for hours without hardly saying anything.
Afterwards, the botanist told him he was “a most interesting conversationalist.”
In reality, he had “been merely a good listener and encouraged him to talk.”
Edward Bok, a poor Dutch immigrant, became one of the most successful magazine editors in American History.
While he was working for $6.25 a week, he read biographies of the most famous Americans and wrote to them, asking for more information about their childhood.
This simple method of asking people about their lives allowed him to build a network of presidents, generals, and distinguished businessmen.
With such connections, he quickly achieved success.
Remember, **“listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay to anyone.”**
**Part Three: “Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking”**
You can’t influence people if you can’t convince them. This section teaches you how to do just that.
Again, I’ll only share a few, and recommend that you read the rest of them.
**Strategy 1: Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.**
This strategy takes humility and patience. But it will never fail you.
You first have to understand that most people don’t act based on logic. Most of us are prejudiced, biased, jealous, suspicious, envious, fearful, and prideful.
Even if someone is wrong and knows it, he or she won’t want to readily admit it. They’d rather suffer the consequences of being wrong than be told they are.
So don’t tell people they are wrong.
Instead, use phrases like: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”
“You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.”
Benjamin Franklin, being as smart and educated as he was, would often correct others’ errors.
But after a scathing rebuke from a friend, he realized that this character flaw made it so no one wanted to be around him.
He made a new rule to never claim to be unequivocally right. He lived that rule for the rest of his life and helped him succeed in both business and politics.
Even Jesus said, “Agree with thine adversary quickly.”
**Strategy 2: “Let the other fellow feel that the idea is his”**
I’ll share a few stories from the chapter to illustrate:
A sales manager was tasked with reviving a discouraged and disorganized sales team.
In a meeting, he asked the team what they expected of him. He wrote their ideas down and agreed to follow through with their expectations.
He then asked what he could expect of the team. The team voluntarily committed to be loyal, honest, hard-working, take initiative, and work long hours.
The team quickly produced unprecedented sales results.
But imagine if he had simply demanded these same things from them. The response would not have been the same. But he let it be their idea, and magic happened.
A painter met frequently to try to sell his sketches. The buyer would examine his work and wouldn’t buy, every single time.
The artist then brought some unfinished sketches to the buyer and asked for his help to improve his work. The buyer suggested a few things, and sure enough, ended up buying.
An advisor to President Wilson would subtly suggest ideas he wanted implemented. Later, the president would present those ideas as his own, to the praise of his team.
The advisor, however, never once tried to take credit for it. He sought results, and was subtly able to influence the President in this way, letting him take the credit.
This strategy requires a lot of humility, but brings forth even greater results.
**Strategy 3: “Throw down a challenge”**
I found this one the most interesting. It is to be used when nothing else works, but don’t underestimate its power.
People are competitive.
We thrive under a little bit of pressure and the chance of a victory.
Sing Sing, one of the most dangerous prisons of its time, couldn’t hold a warden for more than a few months.
When the governor appointed a new warden, he remarked that he wouldn’t blame the new warden for quitting or being scared, since it takes a big man to take the position and stay.
With a small challenge such as that, he stayed for decades, became the most famous warden, and sold hundreds of thousands of copies of his book.
Charles Schwab induced production by stimulating competition.
Once, he came into a struggling factory and wrote a single number on the chalkboard, representing the production of the night shift.
The day shift felt the challenge and outproduced the night shift, raising the number on the chalkboard.
It went back and forth, dramatically improving production.
“That is what every successful man loves: the game… The chance to prove his worth, to excel, to win… The desire for a feeling of importance.”
Parts four, five, and six are applications of the above principles.
Part four dives into how to not only persuade, but correct without criticism when needed.
Part five reprints letters of those who successfully implemented these principles to achieve success in business and personal affairs.
Part six applies these principles into romantic relationships. It highlights just how important not criticizing, being courteous, and showing small affections are in relationships.
All are worth reading, but would be redundant to repeat in this review. But don’t miss the valuable knowledge here by not reading it yourself!
**Summary**
Dale Carnegie’s book is a classic for a reason.
It highlights principles of human interaction and behavior that we innately know to be true in a way so clear that makes it easy to apply.
Reading this book made me feel like I have a greater potential for my life. It makes me want to change my relationships and cultivate new ones.
The sheer amount of stories told in this book of people applying these principles helps me to feel that I too can make a difference in my own life if I do these things.
This book is meant to be a guide; a sort of textbook on human relations. As a result, it isn’t always the most engaging read all the way through; it tends to be repetitive in sections.
But that repetition is essential to accomplish the mission of the book: Teach effective principles that you can remember and apply into your life.
I would recommend reading this book slowly, focusing on a few principles at a time, going back and rereading sections as needed.
Overall, this book is empowering and enlightening. I’m excited about what doors it will open in my life.
I think you’ll feel the same way after reading it.
**Ratings:**
**Scientific Education: 5**
**Practical Application: 9**
**Quality of Writing: 8**
**Overall: 7.3/10**
Last week I reviewed Dr. Norman Doidge’s book “The Brain That Changes Itself”, which I gave a rating of 6.5 overall.
You can check that review out here.
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Have a great week, and don’t forget to read a new book.
See you next time,
Cedric
by ced320