I’m writing this in the hope of seeing others who can relate, and who may have found a solution.
When I was a kid, I was speeding through books. I remember reading the entirety of Harry Potter in two weeks, and every time I went on a holiday, I’d have to bring three books with me at least. Then, I had a couple of years where I didn’t read much, instead having taken a bigger interest in gaming. At around the age of 16 I returned to reading – initially starting off fine – but then the compulsions began.
I have no idea how or why this started. But for the past couple of years, and now at the age of 20, I just can’t stop re-reading every sentence in the book several times before feeling like I can move on – and even then I have to force myself. I’ve googled it and seen it can be a symptom of OCD, but I have no other symptoms that would suggest the condition.
It’s hard to explain exactly how it feels. I’ll read a sentence, and even if I understand it intuitively at first, I’ll have an intense anxiety of not having *fully* understood it, or a fear of forgetting what I read later on because it may be important. I’ll start consciously thinking of what the sentence *means*, and therefore read it again, which just makes it worse by breaking the flow. In fact, the more I read it over again, the *less* I actually understand it, and I get trapped (sort of when you stare at a single word long enough, it looks like gibberish). When I’m at a really exciting part of a book, and I have been reading for an hour or more before then to “warm up”, I do read faster and skip most of my re-reads – because I am fully immersed and can’t wait to see what happens next. But still, as soon as I finish that bit, when I pick it up again I’ll feel like rereading that chapter because I didn’t do my compulsions initially.
This has seriously affected my reading speed. In two hours of reading, I’ll only get through 10-15 pages – and I don’t even have time to read every day in the first place. I’m currently reading Stormlight Archive for the first time (and loving it) but I started Way of Kings back in June, and only finished Words of Radiance at the start of this month (now reading through Edgedancer). While the positive side is that I can drag this amazing series out and really think about it and savor it, I get super frustrated at not being able to get through it faster. I wanna know what happens next! Besides, the mental energy I spend re-reading stuff is taxing and gives me a headache. It’s even starting to bleed through to stuff I read on the internet and Reddit and anywhere else, at least when it’s something I care about understanding.
Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to rant. I hope someone can understand. (Note for anyone who may reply, I’m going to bed soon and probably won’t be able to reply until tomorrow)
by Chainrawr