Don’t Make Fun of Renowned Author Colleen Hoover

Spoilers for It Ends With Us ahead.

I was initially going to title this post ‘In Defense of Colleen Hoover’, but I realized my point was less ‘Colleen Hoover is underrated’ and more ‘Colleen Hoover is misunderstood, but still flawed’. So a change in approach was in order.

Full disclosure: I have only read one of her books (*It Ends with Us*), so that’s going to be the main focus of this post.

So, I don’t understand the hate. When I picked up It Ends With Us, I did so expecting it to ‘romanticize abuse’ as the accusations go. I’ll acknowledge I started off in a very different place than most people who pick up a CoHo novel. Many did so after hearing the hype, which might have skyrocketed their expectations. I, on the other hand, read the book for the anti-hype, so my expectations were rock bottom. And, I liked it. It’s not Jane Austen by any means, and Hoover has a real problem with telling, but it was a page turner with characters I could at least stand and that got a thumbs-up in my book.

I finish the book, wondering, “okay so that wasn’t perfect, but why does everyone hate it so much?” Naturally, I go online to see the criticisms. And I gotta say, I was a little disappointed by what I found. Most critics appeared to have a problem with how she depicted the central relationship. I don’t think that’s fair, though, if you look at what she writes. All throughout the book I was rolling my eyes at how much Hoover hammers the point ‘no matter how much you love a man, if he’s abusive you should leave him’. Like, yes, we get it, abuse bad. But then I looked online and I guess she had to be a little more obvious?

Maybe it was because of the way Ryle is portrayed, but I don’t like the idea that abusers must act in a way that declares ‘I am an abuser’ to everyone within a 50 mile radius. Abusers are still human. You could know one, and you wouldn’t even realize because their primary problem is how they interact with their SOs, not how they interact with the world at large. Hoover also stated that her goal is to engender sympathy for women who fall into abusive relationships, which I think is best shown by this quote from the book:

> She’ll pity me. She’ll wonder why I never left him. She’ll wonder how I let myself get to this point. She’ll wonder all the same things I used to wonder about my own mother when I saw her in my same situation. People spend so much time wondering why the women don’t leave. Where are all the people who wonder why the men are even abusive? Isn’t that where the only blame should be placed?

I honestly like this approach. Even though the book’s writing quality leaves a lot to be desired, I think her heart is in the right place. So how could people misread her intentions so badly when there are quotes just like this one all over the book?

I think I might have an idea, and it comes down to my own personal criticisms. Namely, that Ryle isn’t a realistic abuser. Hoover definitely intended for him to be one, but she buys into myths that are, to be fair, very widespread in society. There’s this idea that abusers “lose control” of their anger, and that’s why they abuse. The truth is, that’s what an abuser would want you to think, as they use it to absolve themselves of their actions. “I can’t control my anger, so it’s not my fault that I hit you. I’ll try harder next time, please don’t leave me.” Ryle appears to be this archetype played completely straight. Which I would say is a problem, but even then Hoover thinks you shouldn’t stay with someone like that. She even acknowledges the inconsistencies that expose this myth for its falseness in one of her extended author soapbox moments. (If an abuser can’t control their anger, how come they only lash out at their spouse? Why never their parents or boss?) But I still bring it up because Ryle very much feels like the trope manifest.

When people say ‘she romanticizes abuse’, I think they’re reacting to the presence of this trope. In real life, abusers are nasty. They put you down, they make fun of you, they always have something to say about some aspect of you, be it your hair, your clothes, or your weight. Ryle… doesn’t do this. He comes off like if it wasn’t for those pesky anger issues, he’d be perfect. Which isn’t realistic in the slightest. It might be because it’s harder (but not impossible in my firm belief) to make a realistic abuser sympathetic. It might also be because Hoover buys into yet another myth: abuse is only physical. Thus, she is able to separate Ryle from his violent episodes. But in reality, abuse starts long before the first slap is thrown. Abuse is not a singular flaw, but a pervasive set of attitudes that infect every corner of the relationship. It’s not a lack of control, but a need to control.

That said, I still wouldn’t call it romanticizing abuse because again, Hoover makes it very clear that if your spouse hurts you, you should leave. No matter how good the relationship may be.

So yeah. Solid 3.5/5. Of course, there are also criticism about the writing quality, but if you want to argue that then find someone else because I’m out.

by Ok-Introduction8837