My SIL walks around with these several hundred page books everywhere we go on weekends away for vacation. I ask her what they’re about and she says she can’t explain, so she reads the inside binding description. Then 2 days later she’ll say she finished the book (I never see her reading it at any pt on the vacation.) my husband also has said she doesn’t read when they’re alone together before bed (this is when she claims to do the bulk of her reading). She’s also been pretty vocal that she doesn’t like book clubs because people get too “in detail” and “into it”. It’s recently struck me that she doesn’t actually read her books. I’ve tried to talk to her about similar books and she doesn’t say anything lol. I don’t understand why she’s pretending? What is she trying to prove.
by Ickles100
27 Comments
Maybe it makes them feel virtuous or normal.
I pretend to be an adult most days.
My kid “reads” but it’s actually just hiding her phone so it looks like she is reading.
so people will think they read.
i’ve started (since people who are selling a vision have proudly proclaimed they don’t read books) using the phrase, “be quiet; the people who read books are talking,” and i’m not going to stop. people who read books are generally, all other things being equal, thought of as informed, smart, thoughtful, etc. if you can get some of that glory by carrying around a book, and you are a certain kind of lazy sociopath, i could see you doing it.
as always, i will die on this, or any, hill.
I have never encountered anyone like this. That said, I do 99% of my reading when I’m actually IN bed, so I guess no one sees me read either. It has never occurred to me that someone may think I’m lying.
This is not normal behaviour.
I always find it amazing when people can spout a podcasts worth of information about a book they are reading.
I picked up my first Terry Pratchett Discworld book and if anyone (especially a non fantasy reader) asked me what my book is about… I’d be like “I don’t know but it’s fun.”
The first time I went to my exes house she had a book out on her table knowing I was an avid reader of the author. When we broke up 6 years later I never seen her pick up that book, or any other book, once.
Is she listening to audiobooks? Or reading in bed? I mean, lying about it would be a bit strange but I also find it a bit strange to be suspecting her of lying lmao my husband only listens to audiobooks and often times I don’t even realize he’s listening to one since his hair covers his headphone.
I don’t think not being able to summarize and not wanting to go into detail analyzing books is a sign against her because I also find it hard to summarize books for people on the spot and I have a bad memory and struggle to go into detail on books as well
Posing with a book = posing as smarter,or at least, more interesting.
Maybe she’s trying to catch the attention of a smart guy? Who knows. There are people (like my husband and daughter) who forget a book after they read it. It’s frustrating because I want to talk about books with them.
Why do people care so much about whether other people are reading? Maybe she’s having you on.
Who knows? Maybe she thinks if she pretends it might become reality? Idk, I have a family member who I am fairly certain is lying about graduating from college and not baffles me.
I had a friend who once said that reading is an aesthetic. People read – or pretend to read – because it makes them feel intelligent and cultured. To be clear, he wasn’t saying that that’s representative of everyone or that people don’t find genuine enjoyment in reading, simply that there’s a substantial amount of people who get a slight sense of superiority from reading.
Maybe she’s trying to pick up a new hobby but she’s struggling with it?
I have seen so many people pretend for social media, it is sad tbh. I have more respect for people who just say they don’t like reading or that is not their thing than those who pretend.
I’m not saying your SIL is pretending to read, she might just be uncomfortable describing the plot of a book she’s reading on the spot.
As for the broader question, reading books is used at some stages of a person’s life as a metric for intellectual development, or at least it was fairly recently. When I was a kid you would get prizes for reading books independently, and basic reading ability was one of the ways kids were tracked early in education.
So, there’s a weird sense of value placed on reading that sticks with people, and both the people pretending to read a lot and the people consuming book/reading related content are probably more attuned to that value judgement than others.
She might actually read but have trouble remembering details. I do that on my first read through textbooks, and often forget names and relations of characters unless I have become very invested in a plot.
Just a possibility; she might be buying books just for show, as the other commenters have insinuated.
Many adults cannot read, or read very poorly, due to dyslexia or other learning issues. I had a sibling who read at the 1st or 2nd grade level until he was mid-forties when he began to take classes for adults with dyslexia and adhd. He progressed quickly to 7th or 8th grade level. For the first time he could read books and enjoy them.
I recommend not confronting your SIL or other family members about her reading habits.
She may have literacy issues or something like dyslexia that makes it hard for her to read so she uses fat books to mask. If I’m right, quizzing her on the books will make things worse. Offering to loan her a short or easy to read book or recommending an audibook you really liked might help.
A lot of people read exclusively in bed, either before sleep or upon waking. I have known a lot of people like that and had they not told me that specifically I would never have known they were reading unless I was in bed with them.
It’s possible she’s one of these readers.
She might also have a Kindle app on her phone and read when it looks like she might just be scrolling.
I understand the inability to explain what a book is about. I’m not super eloquent when trying to come up with an answer off the top of my head (even for my favorite books) so I’ll often attempt a half-baked response and then suggest they just check the back cover synopsis.
But the fact that nobody can confirm having seen her actually reading ever is odd. I’ve never encountered someone like this as far as I’m aware.
Why do you care? You seem to be investing a lot of mental energy into something that has absolutely nothing to do with you and you’re making a lot of assumptions in the process.
Maybe she reads exclusively in bed? Maybe carrying a book with her is something that makes her feel better, more secure, etc. Maybe she struggles with reading comprehension so she doesn’t want to be in a book club or discuss books, even though she actually enjoys reading?
Not sure why you think her opinion on book clubs is relevant to your need to out her as not actually reading since you and your husband don’t personally witness her reading. Maybe she uses those books as an excuse for downtime on family trips but isn’t a big reader after all. Maybe she reads but doesn’t get into it the way you do. Maybe she just doesn’t want to talk to YOU about the book. You have no proof she doesn’t read.
A lot of people want to have read books, but not a lot of people actually want to put in the effort. This goes for many things in life though.
I uhh don’t think that’s a normal person thing. She sounds weird as fuck.
LMAO Like in White Lotus??
People do this because there is a stereotype that reading books is a signal of intelligence or moral value, or makes you smarter/better. This isn’t inherently true. But because this stigma does exist, people want it to apply to them, so it’s not unheard of for people to claim to read books which they don’t actually read.
I don’t really have that big of a problem with that. No two people get the same things from a book when they “read” it, so I don’t really care if someone claims to have “read” a book when they only scanned a summary. It’s not like I was going to quiz them, or think they of them as a superior person had they “read” the full text.
I think people need to stop putting reading on a pedestal and see it like all other art. Its ability to enhance your life isn’t inherent in the form. That comes from what _you_ bring to the experience of interacting with the art. Just reading books doesn’t make you a better person. “Just reading” books is no different than “just watching” movies or “just viewing” visual art or “just listening” to music.