What I mean is that I’ve read all the books similar to Body keeps the score and my “intellectual” understanding of my situation is there, yet my feelings are still very difficult to live with. The feelings of being worthless, inferior, stupid and incapable are some of the things my parents installed into my brain and it’s still really impacting my life. For example, I buy a wrong type of pasta and I start having a breakdown probably because I feel stupid regardless of my understanding that the issue is ridiculous.
I’ve been in therapy for years and have done basically everything else to deal with this issue plus my clinical depression. I’m better but it’s far from what I want to be as I still have a loyalty contract with both my dysfunctional family (even if I’m at a distance) and more importantly, their words.
Any suggestions are highly appreciated. I like the idea of something like Educated by Tara Westover, however that particular book is not for me – I found the story hard to believe.
Many thanks ❤️
by night__blooming