Hey all – hopefully this is the right sub for this. I was thinking about posting in relationship advice, but I’m in search of a book to better understand my partner (and myself) so I figured this would be the right place.
Quick backstory to set the tone. I was married for 10+ years and eventually went through a divorce a few years back. I have four beautiful girls, ages 4 to 13. I’ve always lived with my partners ever since I was in college (about 15+ years ago) and the separation was the first time I lived by myself.
At first I thought, “wow, cool, I can do whatever I want in the 50% of the time without my girls” but that quickly faded and I became pretty bored.
I met my now fiance and we’ve moved in together and life is awesome. I’m really happy with her and she’s an amazing partner, friend and my girls love her.
We’ve been living together for just over a year.
I’m definitely more of the person who enjoys going out and just being around people, whereas I swear she could stay home, read a book and be perfectly content. In fact, she’s said this very statement.
She doesn’t mind coming out with me but I know it’s more to appease me than it being her preference.
Ok, here’s where I need help.
I want to be a good partner to her and better understand her personality. I just don’t understand how she derives happiness from being alone.
Before me, she lived alone with her dog and she says she’d be perfectly fine if it ever went back to that.
Me on the other hand, I found it so boring being by myself and I often fear that I’d be lonely if we broke up, or later in life if I outlive her.
I guess what it boils down to is a book recommendation about understanding the difference between personalities, accepting that people can actually prefer to have their own isolated time (and that makes them happy) and how to cope with the eventual reality of being alone.
On a side note, I often admire my grandma who has lived alone and seems to be thriving after my grandpa died (not that he was holding her back). She’s always out on new adventures, hanging with friends, etc.
Sorry for the ramble, I honestly don’t know how to collectively express the situation. Maybe someone can help put this into better words.
Thanks in advance!
by ekzoo85