Preface: I am already in therapy for what I mention below–just feeling a little down in between appointments. I appreciate your help!
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The last book I read was a memoir written by the author in response to the death of his wife, who took her own life. It dealt with impostor syndrome and how trauma can decimate an artist’s sense of worth, the merit of their art, and by extension how little they believe their life has purpose. This is punctuated by the idea that you can never truly know anyone fully, and that outside of their thoughts everything is performance. It also explored the author’s processing of trauma, and despite how horrible the circumstances he was able to reclaim an idea of faith and move forward–so in that way, it ends on a semi-positive note.
I read this because I adore this author, but I did not anticipate how it would affect my depression. I have major depressive disorder comorbid with PTSD stemming from trauma in my life, but usually it makes me feel sad. Since reading this book, I feel…nothing? The subject of this book was an acclaimed poet, and I myself write poetry and have an MFA in poetry and used it as a means of creating meaning in my life. So seeing how bad her impostor syndrome affected her has me in a place of emptiness. There are myriad fears that affect me and I think the perfect cocktail of anxiety got served up with this book. And lately I have struggled with realizing I have no friends, no career, etc. I feel awful because my partner recognizes lately how my depression changed and seeing how it affects me makes her feel sad. I am nowhere on the level of depression talked about in this book–it’s been a long time since I read something uplifting though, so it’s showing me I need to find more uplifting books.
Do you have recommendations for books that suggest art elevates, that suggest art gives the potential for growth, a book that helps alleviate impostor syndrome or something that could help unwind the depression this last book bound to me?
I think I prefer fiction in this case, but I am open to almost anything–not a fan of fantasy though.
by Purr_Francine