can yall explain why do you like enemies to lovers trope? i have read books and binge shows containing enemies to lovers but somehow it didnt make me hype that much as a lot of people talked about.
Disclaimer: i didn’t mean to insult anyone’s preference as i genuinely want to know what’s the charm of that trope. maybe i can enjoy it more in the future.
by adqshkm
28 Comments
Because so many people actually have a crush on someone they can’t stand.
Unrealistic and it makes my dead heart beat a little which is something I like.
I’m not personally drawn to it but everyone I know that is always mentions the tension. I think people like it because it creates a lot of romantic tension that things like friends-to-lovers don’t. And if you already know its enemies-to-lovers then you know they end up together regardless so the stakes aren’t as high so it’s less to worry about while having that tension.
The OG romance, Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen, is technically enemies-to-lovers. Both Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy had to grow as characters and in their relationship with each other before they could end up together.
When two people dislike each other on sight, it’s sometimes (not always) a sign that the other person challenges their tightly-held convictions, and letting go of those convictions is scary.
For example, in P & P, Mr. Darcy initially looks down at Elizabeth because her family isn’t as well off as his (pride), and she, sensing his disapproval, decides that he isn’t the man for her (prejudice).
Underneath the surface dislike is, of course, attraction. That’s what makes it exciting. But to get to the attraction part, you have to revise your opinions, which takes time.
The mistake that many authors make when trying to do enemies-to-lovers is to make one or both people truly unlikable. In that case, it can be hard to understand or justify the mutual attraction.
What Austen did so well was make both characters real and multilayered, and gave them understandable reasons to resist their mutual attraction. And she gave them time and the chance to grow and change before getting together.
Well I think it depends on the nature of the enmity, but in general I believe the setup provides a lot of space for character change & development as the characters come to deconstruct certain parts of their self-image and learn what is important about themselves and what they actually value in others. And that can be pretty compelling to read.
Oh man I feel you OP. There’s the occasional ship where some tension at the start is good, but I have never gotten the appeal of hate-to-love or true enemies to lovers. Like me and the most annoying guy in my friend group who always used to fight and people ‘shipped’ us and always joked we were gonna get married and I was like. “No??? This is exhausting! It’s so frustrating! Why do you guys see *romance* here???”
But then on the other hand clearly loads of people love that tension. So clearly it’s a Thing. It’d fascinating how different tastes can be!
Idk, maybe I’m too ace to see the appeal.
Character development, more catharsis.
Usually the trope involves a misunderstanding followed by some event that helps the protagonist see the enemy for who they “really are”. I think part of it is the idea of being caught up in a love so strong that it makes you put aside all your presumptions and see the world clearly. I think another, equally important fantasy is that the reader *can be the enemy turned lover* and find someone who will see them for their best self, and often help them to be that best self all the time.
People like the idea of someone seeing you at your worst and falling for you anyway.
Fear hits the same circuits in the human brain as arousal. This is why if you do something thrilling with a person you find appealing (roller coaster, rock climbing, whatever), they will say you seem sexier than if you were just talking normally. There was a study on this.
I think it also gives the characters a reason to be apart for longer. I get more annoyed if they’re friends or acquaintances with explosive chemistry who are just resisting getting together for no real reason. Draws out the tension if they ‘hate’ each other.
I think because the banter is usually snarky in fun way and sexy. Plus there’s something compelling and satisfying about the idea of love humbling a formerly arrogant man and bringing him to his knees. Like Mr. Darcy!
Compared to real life, fiction needs conflict (in order to be entertaining). In the Enemies to Lovers trope, the journey the characters have to take is longer than, say, strangers-to-lovers or friends-to-lovers. You wonder: how will they get from hate to love? There’s a little bit of mystery there. Also, in the beginning there’s a lot of bickering and denial, which is more fun to read than love-at-first sight or similar.
Anyway, this my opinion of course!
Edit: Just wanted to add that in this trope the power equilibrium is very important – for example, if one of them is ruthless, the other one needs to be like that too, or have a similar skill that evens the field. There can’t be “a victim” or “a manipulated one”.
For me, it has to be executed properly and not just as an excuse for hate-sex. I think enemies-to-lovers can give the characters involved a lot of opportunity for growth. They challenge each other and are forced to both open their mind to things they’re not used to and work at improving themselves. I also really like seeing the progression of their relationship in a really drawn-out slow burn. It’s not just enemies to lovers, it’s enemies to people who barely tolerate each other to acquaintances to tentatively friends to close friends to lovers.
Another way I like to think of it is “seeing someone at their worst and then discovering all the things to love about them.” That’s not to say someone should be and stay an awful person or anything like that… but it’s more like a counter to the anxiety of always having to be your Best Self and being afraid of others coming to hate you if you’re not actively trying to make them like you. You don’t have to pretend you don’t have bad days because they already know what you’re like on your worst days. You don’t have to live up to an idealized version they created of you because the real you is so much better than the person they used to hate. It’s a relationship that starts with the flaws on the table. Starting at the bottom, it can really only go up from there.
A romance novel without conflict would be really short and really dull.
“Enemies to lovers” is one form of that conflict. It gives a reason for the characters to not immediately hop in the sack/get wed/live happily ever after even though we (the readers) realize they’re destined for one another.
It’s the trash that keeps on giving and will need to be pried from my cold, dead hands
I recall seeing a comment explaining it like “they respect each other, otherwise one wouldn’t see the other as opponent. They think about each other, truly pay attention and see the other.”
To steal a quote from Ender’s Game “In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him.”
I think this thread has some really good comments https://www.reddit.com/r/FanFiction/comments/xdjxp3/why_is_enemies_to_lovers_so_popular/
As someone who really doesn’t like romance in general except when it’s two of the world’s most dysfunctional idiots antagonizing each other into falling in love, honestly I think it’s the same reason why comedy makes drama better. The contrast heightens both emotional highs.
Or there’s something wrong with me, I don’t know.
There are different types of Enemies to Lovers.
Here as some types I’ve read:
Rivalry Light (bickering, stay off my lawn, how dare you get promoted before me),
Rivalry Heavy (we legit hate each other in a real way for very good reason),
You’ve Been A Naughty Boy (may be trying to kill each other but we’re pretty casual about it)
Our Families Have Beef (self-explanatory, but also include family-like groups like spy vs spy)
I’m A Damsel, I’m In Distress (criminal/victim)
I Want To See What Your Insides Look Like (really, really trying to kill each other and not at all casual about it)
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People who read E2L might like some and not others. And the reasons why are going to be different depending what what ones they gravitate to.
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Personally, I consider Rivalry separate from E2L. It doesn’t have that bite I’m looking for when I’m reading it. If I’m looking for E2L I’m looking for the enemy part to be real. And what I’m looking for is passion, drama, the recognition of like and like. I like the equality, where they’re able to battle each other and find each other a worthy adversary. I like that the world can burn and the only ones that matter are each other.
The Hannibal tv series is one of the best examples of this and I recommend it. If you’re looking for a written example, This Damned Thirst For Survival by Wang Sanshin (a translated webnovel) fits my tastes. The main characters are legit aiming to kill each other, they’re clever and cruel about it.
It’s the “easiest” vector for creating belligerent sexual tension because you have a convenient excuse for the future couple to “clash” as often as needed to establish why they’re seemingly incompatible, only for them to present a “united team against the odds” or some other “common enemy.” It’s additionally why many of these couples fit the “fire-forged” relationship trope as this communicates to the reader(s) that these two “can withstand any new adversity together.” Essentially, you get a lot of “friction” with minimal “risk” compared to an established relationship or close friendship, so it’s unsurprising that it’s often positively received.
I like true enemies to lovers, not the “2 good guys that snipe and bicker because they can’t admit they want to rail each other” shit you see in every other book nowadays.
Imo it’s the simplest explanation: To be loved is to be changed.
There’s something enticing about seeing two people start on opposite sides of a conflict (internal or external), and change each other as a result. Them falling in love and meeting in the middle lives into the fantasy, that people will choose to change themselves to be worthy of another person’s love.
Conflict involves passion, and the line between hate and love getting blurred is exciting lol.
I don’t think a lot of modern enemies -to-lovers that’s been published lately does it right. It’s all trying to mimic a popular example, like Pride & Prejudice. Most of them feel like they are more rivals-to-lovers, which I think is a more accurate name of the trope anyway since very few writers make the two leads actual enemies anyway. I think this is a trope I’ve seen executed well in fanfiction, but not so much in published works. I might be biased though.
Tons of rivals-to-lovers are done well, like The Cruel Prince.
Honestly? I like it because it’s a lot easier to execute than other romance tropes.
Romances where two people who like each other don’t get together for a few hundred pages are much harder to pull off.
Basically imagine Pride & Predjudice but with Jane and Bingley as the main characters.
I like this one when the characters are on opposite sides but neither side is obviously the “good” side and they have to work out a solution that works for both, or if there is a “bad” side the person on that side defects. There’s a lot of opportunity for tension, possibly actual danger, and then slowly starting to work together.
Edit: I agree both characters have to be decent people. There’s room for one to be a privileged person in a crappy culture, but they have to either leave or use their privilege to change things.
As someone in a happy long term relationship, I can’t stand most romance because often the couples could solve their problems just by communicating better with each other. Enemies to Lovers however, *usually* has other factors keeping a couple apart, which makes the story more compelling.
It’s because people are horny.
Because the only emotion more passionate than love is hate. Put them together and wowowowow.
Of course, this is only true for ENEMIES to lovers not petty rivals.
Angry sex.