I have went through cyberattacks (internet activity being tapped and being mocked based on that [typical college male internet activity], probably laptop webcam/mic spying too) and racism in college. This was done by my college “friends”/classmates. It is not just about the cyberattacks but mainly about the emotional investment and hope I had with them and then being thrown away like garbage in the dirt. This happened half a year ago. Other than them, atleast half of the class was involved.
I don’t really have any friends in college. I feel intense migraine and nausea whenever I sit in that class listening to their talks and laughs. It was people I trusted a lot. I feel ugly to my core. Its been half a year but still even when I am at home and the flashbacks hit, I cant hold off from crying loudly. To make it worse, there’s one of those guys who still keeps rubbing those wounds indirectly by dropping cues.
I have to spend to one more semester at that place. Right now, I have my vacation. So I want to read a book that teaches me ways about dealing with the flashbacks and maintaining my calm; about ‘manning up’ and being like steel and focusing on my work when I am sitting in the class.
by advaitsage