Well to me it showed how everyone is loved by what they can accomplish
no university is going to accept a student that tried the most but failed same goes for relationships
I feel sickened by others and myself in general
I have never had friends like real friends because I can’t talk properly am awkward and stutter all the time also my eyebrows are too arched and people would usually ask if I’m Mongolian (by this country’s beauty standards I’m quite ugly) even when I thought I had friends they weren’t really interested or just using me like once they used me to get answers to math questions in middle school all and all I completely feel like Gregor samsa right now I have national medical entrance exam that is competitive I failed once and I realized my parents treat my older brother with more care since he already has gone to the best college in the country and they lack respect for me they probably don’t even do it consciously they are good people it’s just that sometimes even if we don’t consciously acknowledge something is affecting our judgement it probably will still subconsciously present itself
Back then I would tell myself to go get married idk have kids and leave but now I’ve fallen into some weird stage of nihilism that I don’t want to be in a relationship because they wouldn’t have loved me if it weren’t for etc neither would any friends want to be around me if I were too awkward or kept stuttering and you know what that’s exactly the same on this side I would have never cared about anyone if it weren’t for their outside factors like beauty ability to speak well not being awkward etc I feel like I don’t deserve anything but also have been losing my sense of morality
Sorry for any English mistakes btw
by male_midriff