My mom is in her final days of her fight with cancer.
She’s not responding anymore…
I’m her only child, a young boy (I feel like).
I am hopeless and lost. Looking for things to take the edge off. Want to find some book or movie or something to take me away or tell me how to live my life going forward.
I feel this need to be perfect.
I have been with my mom these past weeks helping take care of her.
It breaks my heart.
I’m taking a break from school and I have a part time job but it’s hard to get going with this mom’s health now.
I don’t know how to spend my time. I want to become a stronger man. But what do I need to do?
I feel so hopeless. I feel lonely.
What book might help moving forward?
Any advice appreciated…..
by Friendly_Appeal_7872
47 Comments
I’m so sorry…..
I suggest A Monster Calls
Hi I’m deeply sorry and I can’t even imagine what that must feel like. I hope your mom’s final days are easy. If I can recommend any book to you in such times, it would be “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom.
And please don’t worry about being a stronger man. It’s only normal to feel weak and helpless, it’s how you get through it and it’s a part of it. I hope you have other family members who can support you now.
First, my deepest sympathies. Sending you so much love.
This may or may not help you, so I apologize in advance if it’s the latter.
*Advice for Future Corpses and Those That Love Them.*
I found it profound, comforting, and heartbreaking all at once.
You are a good person to care so much about making the last days for your mom good. I think this book would have you coming away knowing that you don’t have to be perfect, that just being there and loving your mom is enough. I am sure she feels your love.
Hugs 💛
Joan Didion’s *The Year of Magical Thinking*: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7815.The_Year_of_Magical_Thinking
I suggest grief counseling, support groups to get you through the first couple of months..they are absolutely the hardest months. The Museum of Ordinary People is a book you might like…
I’m so very sorry for what you are facing. Take care of yourself, feel the grief, find the happiness and know you will survive, thrive and be stronger.
When things fall apart by pema chodron
Sorry about your mom
Motherless Sons.
Look for a support group for people who have lost a parent. There is a lot of power in talking with people who have gone through a similar experience. Also, look around in your life for older people who can be mentors for you. My mom has mental health issues and hasn’t been able to do “mom” things for a long time. Throughout my life I have turned to a neighbor, several coworkers, and the mom of a friend. They helped fill in the gaps for me. Hugs from an internet stranger. 💜
Moms are the hardest to see go. I am 74 and still miss her everyday. Take the advice of these good people, that will help. It will take time to get your bearings again, it is a process.
Sorry about your mum.
The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis. He wrote it after his wife died.
Now, as for next steps that are not reading a good book, you’ll probably need to contact a probate attorney (if you’re in the US). If your mom has a will, find the original. If she has a trust, find it. If not, if she owns a house, if she owns a car, if you have any trouble closing bank accounts, you might need to go through probate. This is not as difficult or overwhelming a process as you might fear. Make sure the attorney you talk to offers free consultations so you can go talk things out and figure out what’s happening without any financial obligation. You can look on the website naela.org to find attorneys in your area. The website is primarily for elder law attorneys, but whoever you call will either be elder law and probate or be able to point you to someone who is.
You will be okay. It’s going to hurt for a long time. There are going to be weird random things that remind you of her that hurt. But it’s worth it, because it only hurts because you love her.
Before the Coffee Gets Cold is amazing. It’s a soothing balm for the soul, and closely related to your current situation. I think it will help you greatly.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. “The Little Prince” helped me cope with the death of my father.
Almond by: Won-Pyung Sohn is the first to come to mind, I highly recommend it.
Crying in H Mart by: Michelle Zauner could be a good one if you’re ready / in a good place emotionally as it does cover the topic of grief after her mother passes from cancer.
Choose strong by Sally mcrea. I recommend the audio book. It’s a memoir. She lost her mom to cancer when she was 17. It’s about finding the strength to keep going and was very inspiring. It definitely made me cry, and maybe it will be too much, but if you can I would listen to it.
It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok by Megan Devine. This book was very comforting when we lost our daughter. (((Hugs))). I’m sorry you are going through this. It sucks and it’s not fair.
Very sorry to read this. A short while after my mom died of cancer when I was 17, I read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I thought, and still think, it is a beautiful book.
Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner certainly won’t give you escapism but it closely mirrors your experience and I think could help with some catharsis and seeing how life continues after loss. My heart goes out to you and I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
The Bible my friend…
The in-between by Hadley she’s a hospice RN
Sorry to hear about your Mother OP. Take care, take grief counseling..
For books- I recommend The Last Lecture
“With the End in Mind” by Kathryn Mannix
My mom died unexpectedly a few months ago, and I was recommended For One More Day by Mitch Albom. I haven’t read it yet, but that’s an option. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mom at the beginning of the year. I’m very sorry for what you are going through.
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran is profound and touching, but short and undemanding that read.
Good luck
How to Live When a Loved One Dies: Healing Meditations for Grief and Loss by Thich Nhat Hanh
This happened to me this year. I’m not sure if it’s the same for everyone, but the grief comes and goes and changes over time.
The things that have helped are imagining that she is with me and continuing to talk to her throughout the day. I sometimes imagine that she is in the clouds and the trees, and that her spirit is all around me and supports me the way the earth does – like mother earth. It also helped to listen to Wayne Dyer’s meditation on youtube (titled Wayne Dyer Meditation and Affirmations Before Sleep). And I found it healing to think about the idea that every hardship I experience (including the death of a parent) has been experienced by all my ancestors before me – for thousands of years, people have experienced this hardship and they have endured – so I can endure it also. Another resource for coping is the Healing Temple Meditation by Jack Kornfield. It’s available online – [https://jackkornfield.com/temple-of-healing-meditation/](https://jackkornfield.com/temple-of-healing-meditation/)
I am so so sorry you are experiencing this awful pain. When my mom passed, It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok by Megan Devine was very healing for me.
I’m so sorry.
The In-Between – Hadley Vlahos
Journey of Souls – Dr. Michael Newton
Signs – Laura Lynne Jackson
Sending you love young brother. I’m sorry you are going through this. Just by reading how you speak there is no doubt your mom is so proud of you and who you have become and will become. Always know that, I’m sure of it.
Wild by Cheryl Strayed and Crying in H Mart maybe? Both deal with the loss of a mom, so they might be cathartic but also sad. Cheryl Strayed also has a great book of advice from her years working as an advice columnist called Dear Sugar – the book is called Tiny Beautiful Things.
My mom died when I was 19 after a 5 year battle with cancer. I remember this time you are going through all too well, and I also tried to find the perfect book/movie to help guide me through. What I believe eventually gave me that was the movie Coco, but I do want to note that I watched it a year after she died so I was not experiencing the same stage of grief as you are right now. I cried harder than I ever have at any movie, but it was cathartic. The Harry Potter book series also helped me. I am sending you my thoughts at this time, and always remember that it does get better. You are strong and your mom wants you to find happiness again. I felt in the years after her death, that sentiment got me through some hard days. You got this ❤️
You ARE PERFECT. That is the truth. I’m dying from cancer. I would be heartbroken to hear my child feels this way. You are strong as you are asking for help. You will thrive, because you chose to. I love that you are taking a break to deal with this. It’s incredibly difficult. You will get through this, this I know. I know because you are smart enough to look for answers.
I don’t have a better book than what’s been offered. I am here if you want to vent or talk. Just message me. ❤️❤️❤️ I am so proud of you. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I wouldn’t mind dying, but for what it will do to my family. ❤️
I’m sincerely sorry, I’m a young dude also and I can’t even imagine.
Thus Spake Zarathustra by Nietzsche is what I read any time I’m going through something that I can’t see past. It’s gotten me outta my darkest times and always helped me strive to be a better man
I’m so sorry for your pain. I’ve been there. My Mom, Dad and brother. It took me 7 years to even admit to myself my mom died. Don’t expect too much from yourself or be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time. Your Mom would want you to be happy and to enjoy life. Once in a while, just go into nature and think and ponder. Be silent, and just listen for her. You will hear her voice and feel her reach out. Do not be afraid. She is still there. Remember this – love is strong. It’s the most powerful force in the universe. It will cut through the darkness. Don’t lose hope. Focus on your love for her and her love for you. You will feel her.
I’m so sorry. I lost my dad 4 years ago. I couldn’t read for awhile. Books that helped me were thrillers or fantasy
not sure if this is helpful, but if you are looking for something funny, i recommend yearbook by seth rogen. i always find a good laugh to be therapeutic.
sorry you’re going through this. wishing you healthy grieving and healing.
The In-Between by Hadley Vlahos is an amazing book written by a hospice nurse about her experiences with death and what comes after. It is an easy but heartfelt read and has truly brought so much peace to my life.
I’m so deeply sorry. Sometimes being stronger simply means taking one single step forward. And then another. Go easy on yourself. Getting strong is like maturing. You can’t just wish it so. A young cheese cannot be an aged cheddar. You’ve already got lots of great book suggestions. Maybe some books that might help are about women who lived full beautiful lives. Like Isabel Allende’s “The Japanese Lover” or The Days of Anna Madrigal
By Armistead Maupin.
Wild or Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed.
Hi- my mom is also going through cancer and my older brother is having emergency surgery today. Thought we could talk?
I’m so sorry 🙁 if you need a friend I’ll be here! You should read we are tornadoes
There is a book called Infinite happiness, I haven’t read it but my mom has and a big part of it is about enjoying life and how one of the first steps is coping with death. Might be a good nonfiction self help type of book to check out 🙂 I hope you can find a good suggestion to help!
I’m sincerely sorry OP, please know you’re not alone. “When breath becomes air” is a wonderful book by Paul Kalanithi for you right now.
No suggestions, just sending my condolences and be patient with yourself. Whatever you’re feeling is valid and OK. And hey, you’re already a strong man working the part time job and actively taking care of your mom. Respect
Sorry, friend!
The best book on the subject is David Kesslers Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
You shouldn’t have to say goodbye. Patricia Hermes.
Hi. I am deeply sorry and I will pray for you and your mom. When I lost my dad suddenly I never got a chance to grieve and communicate my feelings with anyone. I came across this book called “The Phone Booth at the Edge of the World – By Laura Imai Messina” and this one really helped me let out and process my feelings. The book talks about grief, the loss of a loved one, and coping with it. It is wonderful. Take care.
I’m really sorry. I hope she isn’t in pain. Im sure she loves you deeply and I hope things turn up.
You caring for her and yourself this much is the closest to perfect you need to be. You need to be gentle with yourself and let others help you. Maybe you can look for support systems in your community.
The Witcher series of books have a sweet father daughter relationship. Dark matter and the road are also about family but they’re horror.
Six of crows is the first in a loveable crime duet about a gang of young impoverished people
Stormfront (edit, couldn’t spell) is the first in the Dresden files, a series about a paranormal investigator. It’s quirky and lovable.
Saga is a graphic novel series about two intergalactic fugitives that have a baby. It’s ridiculous and hilarious and freaking sweet.
You’re a good dude and you’re obviously very strong. If you’re lonely there are apps to find friends in your area. I think one is called yemu (someone help if I’m wrong tysm)
I wish you and your mom the best, man.