I was talking to some friends the other day and one of them mentioned that she was thinking of reading a book I had already read. I recommended it to her and mentioned I really liked the series because each book focused on a different arranged marriage situation in the same universe.
Later on, another friend who was present during the conversation said they though arranged marriages in fiction were problematic.
I wanted to know what your thoughts are on this trope. Is it inherently problematic? Can it be done well? What are some reasons you like/dislike this trope?
And before anyone mentions it, yes I know there have been similar discussion on r/romancebooks. I specifically posted here because I want diverse opinions. Not just that of romance readers.
by the_literary_loser
20 Comments
It’s a book ….
I mean, I love it, when it’s done well. It’s done badly, a lot of the time, but it’s great when it’s handled well.
It’s a lot like soulmate tropes – forcing characters together under uniquely challenging but binding circumstances, and seeing love and partnership and understanding blossom anyways.
(Or in the rare cases, you get to see characters escape shitty circumstance that arise from the arranged marriage, whether that be literally fleeing, or taking over by cunning/force, or even just forcing a shitty spouse – usually husband – to become putty in their hand. Delightful.)
As to whether it’s problematic or not… again, it’s in how it’s handled. Any trope can be problematic when handled badly, or when used in a certain way across broad swaths of a genre. But it can also be done excellently, and even in empowering ways, as I listed above. It’s a beloved trope for a reason – because there is power in making circumstances you can’t control yield in your favor.
Your friend sounds very young. (I don’t say this patronizingly, but with some sympathy, almost.) They’ll grow up and learn nuance eventually though.
Why would it be problematic?
I dont see any issue with it.
I hate the word “problematic” in fiction unless it’s a synonym for “interesting”.
I don’t and won’t discourage people from reading or writing such books as I believe in free speech. But coming from a culture where such things are toxic and forced I will NEVER read such books.
What I want is more media literacy in young readers to recognise that while this is a fun silly romance trope for them but it might be someone’s harrowing reality and have empathy not to romanticise arranged marriages.
Most romance tropes are “problematic” or questionable when you apply them to real life relationships. Healthy, functional relationships aren’t the most interesting to read. Most people like some spice and conflict mixed in.
I think separating fiction from reality is important here.
I take a bigger issue with people who read dark romances that actively romanticize some really fucked up stuff. I’m not going to clutch pearls over something as minor as this.
Depends if we’re talking about arranged marriage or forced marriage, because they’re two very different things. I can’t imagine enjoying a book that made a romance out of a forced marriage; the reality is too horrific. But sure, an arranged marriage which people entered into willingly, blossoming into real love? That’s a great trope if well-written.
I can’t speak for the trope itself, but my parents were an arranged marriage. I’ve thought about this a fair bit and I really do believe arranged marriages can work really well, especially in cultures that are more set up for them.
It’s not my favorite trope, but I don’t mind them in historical because that was a reality.
When it comes to contemporary ones though, unless they are set in a culture/subculture where they are common, the plot reasons just never make sense. (Unless maybe it’s a marriage for health insurance in the US or for immigration status, those are the only believable reasons to me.)
The one that does bother me is when the marriage is the result of a dead relative mandating the person marry within a certain timeframe or marry a certain person to get an inheritance in a will–no matter how much the protagonists may have loved that relative, it’s deeply deeply shitty and manipulative to try and play on someone’s grief for you and force them into something as big as marriage and try to make their lives fit in the box you mandated from beyond the grave like that. And yet the plot and characters never recognize that. It’s usually oh teehee, great-uncle Bob was so romantic/just wanted me to find love and look how great it worked out!
You know what’s really problematic? People using the word problematic to avoid discussing things because they lack the maturity and intelligence to do so.
I think arranged marriage can be (ugh) “problematic”, but writing about “problematic” things in books isn’t an endorsement of them and isn’t in itself “problematic”.
Seeing as how arranged marriages still exist and are a thing even in todays world, I don’t see a problem.
I have a few friends who had arranged marriages. They’re all very happily married and honestly have some of the most harmonious households I’ve ever been in. I think they’re only “problematic” in fiction when specifically written to be disrespectful.
but like..books are about real life scenarios. so….unless you want to read a book about some kind of paradise where nothing ever goes wrong…i mean.. it’s just life.
would i want to be in an arranged marriage? probably not. but are they okay for some people? sure.
i’m certainly not going to be offended by a book about them.
nah arranged marriages in general are fine
They won’t read books about things they don’t approve of? What’s left to read then?
It’s still practiced today in some circles. Mostly elites or highly powerful people. It works when the story is well written.
I didn’t think it’s inherently problematic, it comes back to how consent is handled by the characters. There are “love match” books that handle consent between the main characters terribly and arranged marriage books that are great with consent.
Someone said it in another comment, arranged marriages aren’t necessarily forced marriages.
As long as the sex isnt R*ape (unless thats the kink in the book) then I don’t see a problem in it. My issue with a lot of arranged marriages are just that the couple seems to fall in love too quickly for me. But im not a fan of insta-love in general so thats not specific to marriage tropes.
Life is problematic. Books are problematic because art reflects life. Problematic is also way more interesting in print.